Gender Reconciliation's topics - tribe.net

How do women supposedly mature faster than men?

The_L_To_The_T — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 04:54:32 GMT

I really can't think of a better catch topic that sounds less annoyingly "he vs she"-like, but the subject has really been nagging me.

I think that the people who say women mature faster than men pay absolutely no attention to the throngs of young guys who seek stability and self enrichment in their younger years. You know, the ones among the "nerd" and "straightlaced" crowd who never get noticed to begin with?

The "alpha" males are the ones who act the most immature. But they're the ones with the most sex appeal, as evidenced by all their progeny. Go figure.

Could someone please explain this whole maturity thing to me?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 7 replies

Domination & Partnership

ZTM — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 22:11:02 GMT

So I was thinking today that domination paradigm in all it's ugly forms. That which forces those around the alpha male into lower status and lower value positions in social resource and propriatal domains, by brute force and utter discompassionate coercion, was actually brought on by females by their preference for strong and powerful males. For the female nature has a switch in it that every male dominator can use, so long as he is dominant, which compels the female to be irresistibly attracted to and submissive to the alpha male. Do women have something in their nature which seeks out strong males, weather or not they want them? And it is that very same nature that drives males to dominate one another in all realms of human experience? Thus competition in all forms regulating the evenflow of human existence. When male dominance is articulated, No male is attractive to the female until he is able to dominate a weak male is ignored...
When a male is dominating he has to literally force his ego over the multitudes of those around him so that they will fall in line to his will. When he does this, the emotions and the perspectives of that ego are uniformly applied across the spectrum of those affected.
Thus when one male dominates a crowd of people, he can also dominate their emotions, and their ideas. When this happens a female will be unable to resist him, because his ego is overpowering her own sense of self. This works to refine his ego by the power of his female consorts. And the more he is able to secure the more his ego's power is secured.

However there are two questions here that bring up a chicken and the egg kind of paradox.

First is it the female that motivates the male into the game of dominance, by some deficiency in her or is it more of his?

Second, as the male dominator secures territory property valuable goods social pleasures and power is it his ego that strengthens those things into his ownership, or is it those things that strengthen his ego?

For both questions I would answer "Both and". For females also play the game of dominance, within a male dominant society. Those females who admire dominance also more fondly support the dominance of their males because it strengthens their own dominance. Thus why they seek the male dominant in the first place.
It is also both and for the question of luxuries and the expansion of the male ego. For when the male is able to express his dominance over a person a peice of land or a good. This takes the immediate pressure off him to dance the dance of the all powerful alpha male. His further aquasisions then bathe his ego in comforts after the stress of presuing such goods. One supports the other.
But there is a problem in both of these models. First by preference of dominance the woman is ever unhappy in her relationship for having to compete for dominance with her male. This thus brings an end to it's stability.
And for the case of the aquisitioning male. It is true the ego and self empowerment gained from the hording of luxeries and property is a real bonus. The positive effects of that gain are reduced by the constant maitenence of his empire, and his ability to control them all silmultainouly. It is a fools game. One small crack in his imperial power structure and the ego suffers greatly. Thus what is brittle is easy to break.
Finally the business of dominance is extremely taxing on the individual. External conflict literally becomes internal conflict. And slowly but surely the effects of stress whittle away and decay the foundations of that ego. Constant efforts for domination ruin the health and vitality of the alpha male, until he finally falls into the chaos that Rome is known for.
Any major campaign for dominance will ultimately be undermined by the simple and minute stresses of small instances of losing control.
Like me loosing control of this essay because this dumb computer can't keep a hard disk running correctly...

Ok so, a couple more points...

First that OK we are living in a male dominator world. Pretty much everything in this world is dominator, SOMETHING or SOMEONE dominator. But the dominators are so high up now, they are so far withdrawn from the masses of those they control that their power is although pretty much complete, it still cannot find the permanent crystallization of their power they are so hungry for. Just a little farther they say, and it will all come finally, but it never does, only the pressure increases.
Meanwhile in dominator paradigm like now, the multitudes although also involved in many of their own interpersonal games of dominance, are also exploring the paradigm of partnership and non-competition by sheer rude dominance alone. Thus in the midst of a dominator paradigm and society, perhaps more of the world survives in a partnership paradigm. Thus the partnership and dominator styles are also in a competition of their own.
Obviously for partnership to rule, it has to not compete whatsoever "against" the dominator style paradigm. For that competition in itself is a complete loss to the other style which to it is opposed, and by opposing it strengthens it. Thus the partnership paradigm must support male dominance, it must instead of being transformed by male dominance into a competitive struggle, it must partner up with male dominance to spread it's partnership values. Thus by doing nothing, everything is done.

Discuss.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Gender Warfare

ZTM — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 22:03:46 GMT

This is a topic to discuss and reveal the many ways one gender will attempt domination of the other.
In the dominator paradigm we live in there is a endless density of common protocol of domination of eachother.

One thing I do want to dismiss is the idea that the dominator paradigm is upheld and due to the male gender exclusivly,
hence the popular phrase "male dominator". This kind of language in itself is weapon of the warfare between genders.

This is a "Dominator paradgim".

Calling it a male dominator paradigm definalty reduces the whole concept to a narrow definition.
While the phrase "Dominator paradigm" illuminates how the domination proceeds from more than just gender.

There is more domination going on than just gender warfare. Our whole world is based on competition and domination.

Nearly everything in our society is based on competition, and it is hardly possible to imagine another modality.

It is true that both genders maipulate eachother through emotion primarly.
Women can manipulate men's emotion.
and men can manipulate women's emotion.

Is there a way to build relationships on somthing other than negative emotion and domination?

Discuss.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Sexual Boundaries

sobey — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 01:28:44 GMT

I would like to open discussion on the topic of how people regardless of gender affiliation develop protocols for sexual boundaries. It would seem that this issue plays itself in so many settings and that the tension that mounts from situations where one person feels their boundaries are crossed can lead to a withdrawal from social and intimate situations. It is also a noteworthy issue that people in general do not know enough or practice enough assertion of boundaries and end up feeling victimized. All together this has added to the war of the sexes in ways I'm sure many are familiar with. So getting to the heart of the matter, how can we culturally move to a place where desire is not offensive and yet is not utterly repressed breeding explosive situations?

I'm trying to nutshell the issue as much as possible and will strive to add more points to the discussion once it gets underway. I am working on this topic in a community setting at the moment and felt like this tribe might generate some good thoughts to add.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 5 replies

Women in crime coverage, my documentary idea

Le4Life — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 01:04:29 GMT

Comments and feedback welcomed for this documentary idea i've had....

http://people.tribe.net/le4life/blog/e52e5069-a312-4783-9577-1689cfc7eddb#comments

America's disproportionate reporting on white, attractive, female victims of crime has been a topic I've wanted to cover in a film for a few years now. Below is the mess of thoughts and observations I hope to someday put together into a cohesive documentary. Brutally honest feedback would be appreciated.

IF I WAS A GIRL
...I never would've even been born, literally. My parents really wanted a boy and tried three times unsuccessfully. After my three sisters, I was on the way, but due to China's anti-overpopulation policies, my parents weren't even supposed to be having any more children. My mom told me that the nurses let her slide because I turned out to be a boy. So Chinese attitudes (not now but back then) around boys versus girls make up the main reason I was conceived and delivered, and thus gender issues are sort of personal to me.

PROSTITUTION, THE WORLD'S OLDEST PROFESSION
In high school I developed an interest in the criminology and psychology of serial killers. A statistic that always stood out for me was the high percentage of victims being prostitutes. One reason street hookers make easy targets is because the illegality and stigma of their work prevents them from approaching police, reporters, and doctors like other victims. Furthermore, do law enforcers and the media treat serial murder cases with less urgency if they involve victims with unconventional lifestyles or jobs? And how is being a woman different in a country such as Amsterdam where sex work is regulated like any other business and where rates of rape, assault, and STD infections on prostitutes are much lower?

DRUGS
Decades ago, opium, cocaine, and marijuana became illegal because, according to the media, Chinese, black, and Mexican men - respectively - were using the substances to seduce or sexually assault white women. Protecting white females as a catalyst for drug prohibition persists to this day, in far more subtle ways. Before Bill Clinton left office, he signed an anti-GHB bill in honor of teenager Hillory Farias who had fell into a fatal coma after having drank something spiked with the depressant chemical. Had Farias not been white, could her overdose have sparked so much attention in the media and led to the criminalization of GHB?

Come to think of it, what is the rate of teenagers of color experiencing such tragedies around drug misuse or abuse? I certainly don't know because reporters don't bring it up. Following the news for my work with DanceSafe.org, every story I saw about anyone who became addicted to or overdosed on ecstasy had the same profile: a middle-class white kid whose life in school and home was perfect before drugs ruined everything. How these reports highlighted the kids goes to show that the definition of an all-American teenager is still a very narrow and false one. According to the media, you should be happy if you're white and on the football team and getting crowned at your prom.

YOUNG, PRETTY, AND ALL-AMERICAN
My sisters were discussing the discovery of Laci Peterson's body one evening and I asked who they were talking about. Sarah asked if I had been asleep the past year to not know about this girl. The reason was that I never watch television or follow the news except for work. I don't see the point in obsessing with such cases - as tragic as they are - because every story is the same. And this brings me to a few more questions:

1) What populations of American women are being ignored by the media?
2) Why does this happen from a news industry perspective?
3) Does more coverage equal better investigations of cases?

Is the focus on the all-American damsel in distress promoting a certain idea of what girls are or should be? Firstly, reporters eulogize each victim as a successful student, loving housewife, or some other socially acceptable role model. Secondly, attractive images of the victim are circulated throughout headlines. What sickened me most about the coverage of Laci Peterson was that the shot of her cute dimple-faced smile was published repeatedly even though her head wasn't even attached to her body anymore. I'm sorry, but this is exploitation, not sympathy. If the media only values sexually appealing, well-behaved females, then is their reporting trend executed out of respect and sorrow, or out of a desire to objectify women and keep them in their place?

COMPARED TO MEN...
The focus on pretty white girls doesn't just exclude the majority of real female victims, but also the majority of male victims. Violent crime reporting in general reflects the urge to promote traditional gender roles - females as complacent, passive victims and males as aggressive perpetrators. The only major coverage on the assault or murder of a man occurs when the assailant is a woman. Because the context of women supposedly being well-behaved has already been established, a case like this will seem especially sensational and unique.

This ideology is shared by our justice system. Women are now being imprisoned at a much faster rate than men, and their crimes - like the ones of their male counterparts - are often drug-related. The sentences they serve are often longer and harsher for the exact same offenses. Why is this? Take any judge or prosecutor or juror who believes women are supposed to be nurturing, gentle mothers and caregivers, and present them with a woman charged of drugs or violence, and how do you think they'll react? In essence, when men commit assault or abuse their children, it is natural and acceptable compared to when women do it, and American courts are acting accordingly.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Misandry article: ‘Dissing’ men: the new gender war

evan — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 10:16:55 GMT

ON LINE opinion - Australia's e-journal of social and political debate
http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=4907

‘Dissing’ men: the new gender war
By Jim Macnamara
Posted Friday, 15 September 2006

Feminism has drawn attention to and fought against stereotypical and sexist portrayals of women in mass media, but new research shows that media portrayals of gender have largely done an about face in the past decade or so. There is a new “gender war” and the main target of discrimination is no longer women, according to research - it is men.

Gender studies have claimed that mass media portrayals and images are key influences that both reflect and shape society’s views of women and women’s self-identity. As well as attacking obvious sexist media portrayals such as page three girls and “girlie” magazines, feminists have challenged objectification, marginalisation, trivialisation and other negative portrayals of women in movies, advertising, TV drama and other media content. Their argument that such portrayals are damaging have won support from legislators and from many media professionals including film makers, advertising producers and editors.

Research shows that, while sexism against women remains, representations of women have evolved with less stereotypical portrayals and more women shown in heroic, successful, independent and sexually liberated roles such as in Buffy and the Vampire Slayer, Sex and the City and even in aggressive roles such as Kill Bill.

A 1995-96 study reported in a 2002 book, Media, Gender and Identity by media researcher David Gauntlett, found 43 per cent of major characters in TV shows were women - up from 18 per cent in 1992-93. The study reported that, on a character-by-character basis, females and males were equal in all criteria studied. Analysis of newspapers and magazines also has found portrayals of women improving - albeit there is still a way to go in some areas according to feminist scholars.

Until recently, gender theorists and media researchers have argued or assumed that media representations of men are predominantly positive, or at least unproblematic. Men have allegedly been shown in mass media as powerful, dominant, heroic, successful, respected, independent and in other positive ways conducive to men and boys maintaining a healthy self-identity and self-esteem.

However, this view has come under challenge over the past few years. John Beynon, a Welsh cultural studies academic, examined how masculinity was portrayed in the British quality press including The Times, The Guardian and The Sunday Times over a three-year period from 1999-2001 and in books such as Susan Faludi’s 2000 best-seller Stiffed: The Betrayal of Modern Man. Beynon concluded in his 2002 book, Masculinities and Culture, that men and masculinity were overwhelmingly presented negatively and as “something dangerous to be contained, attacked, denigrated or ridiculed, little else”.

Canadian authors, Paul Nathanson and Katherine Young in a controversial 2001 book, Spreading Misandry: The Teaching of Contempt for Men in Popular Culture reported widespread examples of “laughing at men, looking down on men, blaming men, de-humanising men, and demonising men” in modern mass media. They concluded: “… the worldview of our society has become increasingly both gynocentric (focused on the needs and problems of women) and misandric (focused on the evils and inadequacies of men)”.

The role of mass media in creating and or reflecting identity has long been debated and the findings of some studies have been questioned. Nathanson and Young admitted in their foreword that their findings were based on a small sample. Also, most analysis of media content has focused on movies, TV drama and advertising: mass media genre which are fiction and, therefore, not representative of reality and ostensibly “taken with a grain of salt” by audiences.

However, an extensive content analysis of mass media portrayals of men and male identity undertaken for a PhD completed in 2005 through the University of Western Sydney focusing on news, features, current affairs, talk shows and lifestyle media found that men are widely demonised, marginalised, trivialised and objectified in non-fiction media content that allegedly presents facts, reality and “truth”.

The study involved collection of all editorial content referring to or portraying men from 650 newspaper editions (450 broadsheets and 200 tabloids), 130 magazines, 125 TV news bulletins, 147 TV current affairs programs, 125 talk show episodes, and 108 TV lifestyle program episodes from 20 of the highest circulation and rating newspapers, magazines and TV programs over a six-month period. Media articles were examined using in-depth quantitative and qualitative content analysis methodology.

The research found that, by volume, 69 per cent of mass media reporting and commentary on men was unfavourable compared with just 12 per cent favourable and 19 per cent neutral or balanced. Men were predominately reported or portrayed in mass media as villains, aggressors, perverts and philanderers, with more than 75 per cent of all mass media representations of men and male identities showing men in one of these four ways. More than 80 per cent of media mentions of men, in total, were negative, compared with 18.4 per cent of mentions which showed men in a positive role.

The overwhelmingly negative reporting and portrayals of men in mass media news, current affairs, talk shows and lifestyle media was mainly in relation to violence and aggression. Violent crime, including murder, assault, armed robberies and attacks such as bashings, accounted for almost 40 per cent of all media reporting of male violence and aggression, followed by sexual abuse (20.5 per cent), general crime (18.6 per cent) and domestic violence (7.3 per cent).

Other major topics of media coverage of men were fatherhood and family, male sexuality, work and career, and men’s social behaviour. In all of these categories, men were predominantly reported and portrayed mostly negatively.

Fatherhood was also a prominent subject in relation to men, discussed in 361 media articles and features during the period of the study. Some media coverage positively discussed men as fathers, pointing to increasing recognition of the importance of fathers in children’s lives. However, along with recognition of the importance of fathers and the depth of many men’s emotional connection with their children, discussion contained an almost equal number of criticisms of men as “deadbeat dads”, “commitment phobic” and as perpetrators of domestic violence and sexual abuse within families.

Despite evidence of violence and abuse committed by women, such as a National Family Violence Survey in the US which found women just as likely to commit violence against men as men are against women, and a US National Incidence of Child Abuse and Neglect report in 2000 that found “where maltreatment of children led to death, 78 per cent of the perpetrators were female”, men are almost exclusively portrayed as the perpetrators of domestic violence and child abuse.

As identified by Mary Hood in a 2001 book chapter, “Developing new kinds of relationships between men and children”, a “feminist construction of men as responsible for child abuse has had consequences for the relationship of non-abusive men [the vast majority] with children. A side-effect has been to cast a shadow over the interaction of all men with all children”.

One third of all media discussion of male sexuality examined in the study was in relation to pedophilia which demonstrates the distortion inherent in debate on men, given that a very small proportion of men are pedophiles.

Male homosexuality has become prominent in media representations of men, highlighted in TV shows such as Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and numerous press reviews that followed its international launch. Homosexuality is lightly and positively portrayed in Queer Eye. However, the program and media coverage generally continues to reflect gay stereotypes, and homosexuality is negatively portrayed in media discussion of gay marriages and social commentary reflecting homophobia.

Significantly, male heterosexuality was found to be equally negatively portrayed. Male heterosexuality is widely associated with what is termed “hegemonic masculinity” which is described as violent, aggressive and dominating. Traditional masculinity has become a target of ridicule in many forms of mass media from TV shows such as Men Behaving Badly to major newspaper opinion columns and cartoons.

The new idealised image of men presented in the media during the past three years has been the “metrosexual”, a term reportedly coined by British author Mark Simpson and made popular by New York trend-spotter Marian Salzman, referring to men who are fashion-conscious and well-groomed - often to the point of becoming effeminate such as wearing make-up and waxing to remove body hair.

Recent research has shown “metrosexuals” to be mostly a fabrication of mass media - and not just advertising and TV drama. International current affairs show, 60 Minutes, devoted a major segment to “Metro Man” (August 24, 2003) and Australia’s other top-rating current affairs program, A Current Affair, devoted two programs to metrosexuals (September 19, 2003 and December 2, 2003). Men’s magazine Ralph (October 2003) published a quiz headed “Are you a metrosexual” in a tongue-in-cheek tone. But the underlying message was that, if a man is not a metrosexual, he is a sexist, football-loving, beer-drinking slob.

The research found that men are also objectified in women’s magazines and popular media in the same ways that women were in male-orientated media for several generations, but which is now regarded as blatantly sexist and “politically incorrect”. For instance, Cosmopolitan magazine’s “Guy without a shirt” section features male pin-ups such as David Beckham - for example, “Want to see Becks take a free kick - naked” (October 2003). The top-rating TV program, Sex and the City has extensively portrayed men as little more than sex objects and “handbags” for women’s amusement and pleasure.

In relation to work and career, men are mostly reported as power-obsessed “Atlas Syndrome” workaholics, neglecting their families and forming discriminatory “boy’s clubs” to prevent women progressing beyond the “glass ceiling”, despite many men claiming that this image is far from reality. Recent research such as Barbara Pocock’s 2003 book, The Work/Life Collision, reveals that, far from enjoying power and privilege at work, many men are suffering alienation from their families and even shortening of their lives through the stress of post-industrial work culture.

With the exception of a small minority of positive media portrayals of male heroes such as war veterans, fire fighters and rescuers, and an equally small percentage of portrayals of men as good fathers, husbands and citizens, the only males presented positively are men and boys who have been “feminised” and who exhibit their “feminine side”. The latter term highlights the gender bias against men in popular discourse.

Descriptions of male sensitivity, emotion and other positive attributes as men’s and boy’s “feminine side” lays claim to any good in men and boys as female. The implication and the message extensively communicated in popular culture is that maleness is innately and culturally evil and the characteristics of masculinity are undesirable and anachronistic.

Some try to dismiss concerns over negative representations of men arguing that they are simply reporting the facts; men are abusers, pedophiles, deadbeat dads and so on. Some men, yes. But, proportionately, only a relatively small number of men personify these negative stereotypes. Data from the Australian Bureau of Crime Statistics and international studies on violence and child abuse show these are substantially misrepresentations of men and male identity.

There are signs that men are concerned and conflicted by the shifting kaleidoscope of identities presented in mass media. During the period of research, a letter to the editor from a young man under the headline “Men in need of direction” stated: “The increasing trend towards this portrayal of men in advertising is a representation of the indeterminate role of males in modern society … men are less secure in the part they have to play in the social structure … for the young male, there is a great deal of confusion about the contribution they have to make to society and in relationships…”. The letter concluded by appealing against “lauding one gender and denigrating the other” (The Daily Telegraph, July 7, 2003).

The Australian Advertising Standards Bureau reported in 2005 that TV commercials drew a record number of complaints from men during 2004 and that the number of complaints by men is increasing while those from women are decreasing. The Australian Federal Government’s advertising campaign against domestic violence which targeted only men as perpetrators of domestic violence was labelled “propaganda against men” with many men criticising its “stereotypical portrayals” (The Age, January 3, 2005).

As they seek their identity and role in society, men and boys today are being plunged into a vortex of social, political and economic change; feminist philosophy that dominates thinking about gender, and mass media images and discussions that condemn traditional male attributes and masculinities and promote confusing new identities such as “metrosexuals”.

To the extent that the negative views of men and masculinity in mass media reflect social attitudes, these findings have alarming implications for men and boys and for societies generally. Just as women have struggled against misogyny, men today face an increasingly misandric world that devalues and demonises them and gives them little basis for self-esteem.

Boys face education systems that inadequately cater to their needs and lack positive role models to help them grow up as healthy men. By propagating negative views of men and male identity, mass media are perpetuating them and giving them social and political traction. Widespread views on men as violent, sexually abusive, unable to be trusted with children, “deadbeat dads” and in need of “reconstruction” have the potential to and strong likelihood of shaping future policy making and political decisions. Ultimately, negative public and media discourse on men and boys could have major social and financial costs for societies in areas such as male health, rising suicide rates, and family disintegration.

In a book reporting this research released in September 2006 by Palgrave Macmillan, it is argued that the negative portrayal of men and male identity in contemporary societies is not only a matter of concern for men, but also for women. What is happening to men has an impact on women who live and work with them and who care about the health, welfare and happiness of their husbands, partners, brothers, male friends and their sons growing up and seeking their role and identity in a changing world.

This article is based on research findings from a PhD research thesis completed in 2005 through the University of Western Sydney and published in Media & Male Identity: The Making and Remaking of Men released by Palgrave Macmillan, London in September 2006.

Jim Macnamara is the author of 11 books on media and communication and works with a global media analysis firm, CARMA International.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 7 replies

Gender Wars: A Peace Plan

sobey — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 04:46:48 GMT

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19960301-000032.html

This is a 9 page article on the Psychology Today website. Worth the read when you have a chance. Would love to see some discussion on it from those who read it through. Perhaps we could have a monthly article of some sort to dig into for discussion. We'll see how this goes.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

An International Women's Day Shout Out

sobey — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 22:47:19 GMT

For all that women have historically carried up to this period of time on Earth to tend to the needs of children, community, the Earth..everything..i give big thanks. I acknowledge there is more work to be done to honor women in myself and in society and
i re-dedicate myself in this direction for the greatest good of all.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Gender roles & biological "programming"

The_L_To_The_T — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 05:30:20 GMT

It turns out that in my informal look into past history, matriarchal societies also assigned men rigid roles, most notably roles that separated men deemed genetically fit, from those deemed genetically unfit, and afforded more rights to the former. Kind of like modern patriarchal societies did to women in the past (and in the middle East today), and still do to Western women whenever and wherever the strict, equalist hand of the law is not looking.

Is it not safe to say that the concept of "biological programming" is hardly anything more than an arbitrary construct by which the *atriarchal society restricts freedom for the gender that has the least amount of collective power?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 6 replies

The truth told at last

The_L_To_The_T — Sun, 17 Sep 2006 11:36:38 GMT

http://www.blogonline.ru/php/media/pictures/thumbs_big/596d8061c908ba06747ea46bb15a8ebcihave.jpg

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 3 replies

We are being strategically divided for profit.

connected1 — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 07:49:54 GMT

Has anyone noticed that we are being raised from small children to not get along and believe in our separateness from the opposite sex?

I THINK IT'S STRATEGIC FOR PROFIT:

Proof that it's not just a marketing scam or coincidence:

FACT: If every married couple in America today stayed that way our economy would completely collapse.

FACT: The American economy is dependent on people marrying, having children, and then divorcing.

Think about it...

they then have two electric bills, two rents or morgages, two bank accounts, two sets of credit cards, two computers and ISP providers, two water bills, two dishwashers, two kitchen tables, two TV's and cable bills, two boxes of the same sugar cereal, two containers of milk, which will both expire because the kids go back and forth and the milk doesn't, etc. etc. You get the picture.

It's not an accident that the citcoms encourage unhealthy and unrealistic views on our gender rolls. It's not just a marketing scam that the toys are advertised to be violent boy toys or domestic girl toys.

WE ARE BEING RAISED TO BE SEPARATED, TO NOT GET ALONG, OR RELATE AT ALL,
& ALL FOR PROFIT!!!

Sad to say, look at the swings in trends in psychology and counseling, the whole "you don't need anyone to be happy" mindset.

Funny that as divorce numbers skyrocket, we're being encouraged to hold these attitudes. When a couple is in a not important argument if they are both believing, "I don't need this person to be happy, I don't need anyone, I just need to feel good about myself" How are they going to respond to their petty anger in the moment of an argument?

Most likely they'll storm away, or shout things they don't mean. The role's we're taught say the man should storm away and go drink with buddies, and the woman should sit at home cry, call her sister, and then shop out of catalogues, or now online; and they should do this until they get divorced.

What if couple's were taught the importance of staying together, that men and women's feelings are the same, that really they are not so different at all? What if they were given non gender specific play opportunities and toys throughout childhood?

In the same petty argument, they might be thinking, "I'm so angry ,but what can I do to help work this out. I wish we both weren't feeling this way, this sucks."

IT'S ALL TOO COINCIDENTAL, CREEPY, AND CONSPIRACY RELATED.

WHAT TRENDS DO YOU NOTICE?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 2 replies

Men: not guilty by reason of evolution?

The_L_To_The_T — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 08:42:46 GMT

Of course not, but if the insanity plea is in any way logically acceptable when a woman hacks a baby's arms off, then.......?

http://tastyresearch.wordpress.com/2006/09/17/why-men-commit-crimes-and-why-they-desist/

September 17th, 2006

It’s fairly well-known that young men commit the majority of crimes in every society.

Previous explanations for this behavior have been flawed.

“many adolescents find their roles lacking in intrinsic rewards and turn to sensate activities to achieve a sense of self.”

But why would adults not want the same stimulation from crime as adolescents?

Gove and Walsh explain crime among adolescents as a function of the combination of high autonomy and low responsibility during the teenage years”

This only describes teenagers in modern western society, and so doesn’t hold for developing nations or even western nations in the past.

Kanazawa extends evolutionary psychology to explain the relationship between age and crime.

Evolutionary Psychology

The brain of humans evolved over millions of years when they were living in the African savanna during the Pleistocene epoch as hunter-gatherers. The basic premise of evolutionary psychology is that humans adapted psychological behaviors in order to reproduce and survive as a species.

Male sexual jealousy provides us with an example of evolutionary psychology. During the evolutionary years, males could not be certain of the paternity of their mates’ offspring while females were always certain of their maternity, due to the nature of offspring originating from the female body. Hence, males who invested their resources in offspring that wasn’t theirs ended up wasting them and not reproducing. Males would therefore have a strong incentive to prevent other males from having any sexual contact with their mates. This sexually selected men who were not jealous from the gene pool, and so we are descended from those with a psychological mechanism to be jealous.

On the other hand, women become jealous when their mates get emotionally involved with other women, because it diverts their resources from them and their children. Jealousy is not a choice, but a psychological response that was developed over millions of years to increase our reproductive success.

However, in modern developed countries, there are birth control methods which prevent women from having children when having an affair. But no man would say that this reduces the feeling of jealousy since this psychological mechanism was developed when birth control did not exist.

Applied to Criminality

During the evolutionary period, humans were mostly polygynous where some males would monopolize access to the females while others were completely left out. Reproductive success was at stake and this made the system very competitive; hence, there was a lot of violence as a result of this direct competition. Similarly, women tended to mate with men with resources, so acquiring them through stealing would be a means to increase their chances of reproductive success.

Despite the fact that violence and property crimes are looked down upon in modern society, the psychological mechanism to commit crimes in order to reproduce is still very much within us. This happens unconsciously and even those committing crimes are unaware of this logic.

Why is there a sharp decline in crime by men after reaching adulthood? While the benefits of reproductive success are still there, most men would have already had children by adulthood. The risks associated with committing the crime is greater because their children might starve or victims of others. This benefit versus cost analysis has been done through sexual selection, explaining the increase of crime among young adolescents and sharp decline during adulthood.

This theory explains many previous findings, including why men commit crimes overwhelmingly more than women, why married men have less tendency to commit crimes, and why sexual competition increases men’s tendency to commit crimes in every society. This also explains why men with lower status among their peers are more likely to commit crimes — they are less competitive and need more resources to achieve reproductive success.

All of us are descended from men and women who were very successful at reproduction.

Kanazawa, S. & Still, M. C. (2000). Why Men Commit Crimes (and Why They Desist). Sociology Theory, 18(3), 434-447

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 4 replies

The Gender Divide as Social Mind Control

sobey — Sun, 24 Apr 2005 22:46:22 GMT

I tend to think this idea to be true but would like to know if anyone has come across any evidence that supports the notion especially with all the "propaganda" that masquerades as romantic comedy and sitcom material.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 19 replies

New York Plans to Make Gender Personal Choice

sobey — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 16:50:18 GMT

http://www.technoccult.com/archives/2006/11/08/new-york-plans-to-make-gender-personal-choice/

Separating anatomy from what it means to be a man or a woman, New York City is moving forward with a plan to let people alter the sex on their birth certificate even if they have not had sex-change surgery.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Acceptance of Misogny in US Culture, an article by Bob Herbert

sobey — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 01:44:05 GMT

ob Herbert, 10/16/06: Why Aren’t We Shocked? [Acceptance of misogyny in U.S. culture]

Why Aren’t We Shocked?

By BOB HERBERT
Published: October 16, 2006

“Who needs a brain when you have these?”

— message on an Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt for young women

In the recent shootings at an Amish schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania and a large public high school in Colorado, the killers went out of their way to separate the girls from the boys, and then deliberately attacked only the girls.

Ten girls were shot and five killed at the Amish school. One girl was killed and a number of others were molested in the Colorado attack.

In the widespread coverage that followed these crimes, very little was made of the fact that only girls were targeted. Imagine if a gunman had gone into a school, separated the kids up on the basis of race or religion, and then shot only the black kids. Or only the white kids. Or only the Jews.

There would have been thunderous outrage. The country would have first recoiled in horror, and then mobilized in an effort to eradicate that kind of murderous bigotry. There would have been calls for action and reflection. And the attack would have been seen for what it really was: a hate crime.

None of that occurred because these were just girls, and we have become so accustomed to living in a society saturated with misogyny that violence against females is more or less to be expected. Stories about the rape, murder and mutilation of women and girls are staples of the news, as familiar to us as weather forecasts. The startling aspect of the Pennsylvania attack was that this terrible thing happened at a school in Amish country, not that it happened to girls.

The disrespectful, degrading, contemptuous treatment of women is so pervasive and so mainstream that it has just about lost its ability to shock. Guys at sporting events and other public venues have shown no qualms about raising an insistent chant to nearby women to show their breasts. An ad for a major long-distance telephone carrier shows three apparently naked women holding a billing statement from a competitor. The text asks, “When was the last time you got screwed?”

An ad for Clinique moisturizing lotion shows a woman’s face with the lotion spattered across it to simulate the climactic shot of a porn video.

We have a problem. Staggering amounts of violence are unleashed on women every day, and there is no escaping the fact that in the most sensational stories, large segments of the population are titillated by that violence. We’ve been watching the sexualized image of the murdered 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey for 10 years. JonBenet is dead. Her mother is dead. And we’re still watching the video of this poor child prancing in lipstick and high heels.

What have we learned since then? That there’s big money to be made from thongs, spandex tops and sexy makeovers for little girls. In a misogynistic culture, it’s never too early to drill into the minds of girls that what really matters is their appearance and their ability to please men sexually.

A girl or woman is sexually assaulted every couple of minutes or so in the U.S. The number of seriously battered wives and girlfriends is far beyond the ability of any agency to count. We’re all implicated in this carnage because the relentless violence against women and girls is linked at its core to the wider society’s casual willingness to dehumanize women and girls, to see them first and foremost as sexual vessels — objects — and never, ever as the equals of men.

“Once you dehumanize somebody, everything is possible,” said Taina Bien-Aimé, executive director of the women’s advocacy group Equality Now.

That was never clearer than in some of the extreme forms of pornography that have spread like nuclear waste across mainstream America. Forget the embarrassed, inhibited raincoat crowd of the old days. Now Mr. Solid Citizen can come home, log on to this $7 billion mega-industry and get his kicks watching real women being beaten and sexually assaulted on Web sites with names like “Ravished Bride” and “Rough Sex — Where Whores Get Owned.”

Then, of course, there’s gangsta rap, and the video games where the players themselves get to maul and molest women, the rise of pimp culture (the Academy Award-winning song this year was “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp”), and on and on.

You’re deluded if you think this is all about fun and games. It’s all part of a devastating continuum of misogyny that at its farthest extreme touches down in places like the one-room Amish schoolhouse in normally quiet Nickel Mines, Pa.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

GR Library Picks

sobey — Tue, 15 Mar 2005 20:12:21 GMT

If you were to make a gender reconciliation library what would you put in it?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 16 replies

Battle of the Sexes

evan — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 03:19:08 GMT

Battle of the Sexes

The “battle of the sexes” seems to have been raging since the beginning of our human history. It also seems to only have become more heated in recent decades, first due to the advent of suffrage and feminism, and now due to the rise of the men’s rights movement. While our current western/industrial society seems to be trending toward greater equality in many areas, and certainly toward advancement for women, it also seems to be trending to less equality in other areas, and toward fewer rights for men.

Before I really get going on this topic, I’m going to define a few terms. I feel these terms need to be defined clearly, so that my meaning does not get lost on those who interpret these terms to mean something different than I intend in using them.

Sexism: prejudice or discrimination based on sex

Misogyny: hatred, distrust or active effort to do damage to women as-a-class (does not apply to someone who hates some women – only applies to someone who hates all/most women)

Misandry: hatred, distrust or active effort to do damage to men as-a-class (does not apply to someone who hates some men – only applies to someone who hates all/most men)

Gynophobia: an irrational fear of the feminine or fear of women as-a-class (does not apply to someone who fears some women – applies only to someone who fears all/most women)

Androphobia: an irrational fear of the masculine or fear of men as-a-class (does not apply to someone who fears some men – applies only to someone who fears all/most men)

Feminism: organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests, usually without regard for men’s rights and interests, but occasionally with regard for men’s rights and interests

Masculism: organized activity on behalf of men’s rights and interests, usually without regard for women’s rights and interests, but occasionally with regard for women’s rights and interests

Equalitarianism: organized activity on behalf of the elimination of racism, sexism or other bigotry and intolerance, engaged in regardless of the race or sex of the victims of oppression and/or injustice

I realize that some will take exception to some of these definitions, but I don’t care to debate them. These are the terms as I mean them within this piece of writing, regardless of how the reader views them in his/her own life. Therefore, I will be ignoring all responses that dispute these definitions. You’re free to use whatever definition you like in your own writing and thoughts. These are what these words mean in this piece of writing.

I’ll begin by stating that I consider myself an equalitarian. I have been active with causes for women’s rights. I have been active with causes for men’s rights. I have been active with causes for minority rights and rights of the disabled or homeless. I’m an equal-opportunity activist. I believe the best society is one that treats people with equality regardless of the color of their skin, the religion to which they subscribe, the culture in which they are born, or the sex they are born with.

I consider both feminism and masculism to be dead-end streets with regards to the battle of the sexes. I do not see how either will ever achieve anything more than additional animosity and distrust between the sexes. The bulk of the proponents of each philosophy, in my opinion, disregard half of the population. I therefore reject both of these philosophies as outdated and as heading in the wrong direction if true sexual reconciliation is desired.

Gynophobia and Androphobia

I see gynophobia as a commonplace phenomenon pretty much worldwide. I would guess that more than half of the male population today could be described as at least mildly gynophobic. That is, it seems to me that more than half of men have a genuine fear of women as-a-class, and that this fear interferes with peaceful relations between the sexes. Men react with fearful responses to women, especially with regards to power, control, and sexuality. I also see the masculist movement as tending to increase the amount of fear of women. The reports from their side tend to be very fearful, and to spread that fear to those who read works by masculist authors.

I see androphobia as a commonplace phenomenon pretty much worldwide, but as a far more common occurrence in the industrialized modern nations. I would guess that more than half of women in the developing world have a genuine fear of men as-a-class, and that something very near to all women in the industrialized nations have a genuine fear of men as-a-class. It seems to me that the additional fears present in modern western democracies can be accounted for by the fearful messages about men circulated by the modern feminist movement. The feminist literature is rife with statements such as Marilyn French’s “all men are rapists, and that’s all that they are.” Western people are bombarded by messages on television, print and motion pictures that portray women as a victim class. In other words, I believe the additional androphobia present in the western world to be nearly entirely illusory and unfounded.

Misandry and Misogyny

I see misogyny as a fairly commonplace occurrence in parts of the developing world, but as a rare occurrence in the developed world. The Islamic world provides an excellent example of massive misogyny on an institutional scale, and prevalent in the ideas of the people within that society. In modern developed nations, however, I find little evidence for men who actually hate or distrust women as-a-class. I find a great deal of evidence in the modern developed nations, however, for men who hate or distrust specific individual women. Again, if a man hates or distrusts one woman, but loves/likes and trusts all the other women in his life, he does not qualify as misogynist by my definition. In the modern nations, misogyny is considered politically incorrect at best. It is never socially acceptable, even when women are not around. Men will stop other men from saying this kind of hateful garbage.

I see misandry as a fairly commonplace occurrence worldwide, but as much more prevalent in the developed world. Women, due in part to the injustices they have suffered in history or continue to suffer today, have developed misandry as a way with dealing with their perceived lot in life. In the developed world, feminism has even gone so far as to define misandry as a valid political response in light of women’s history. Most of the women I meet in major urban centers in the USA qualify as misandrist. They genuinely distrust men as-a-class, and even sometimes actively hate men as-a-class. In the modern nations, misandry is rarely denounced or corrected. In mixed company, misandrist sexism from either men or women generally goes entirely unchallenged. In a room of women, it often becomes the primary topic of conversation.

In short, I think the feminist movement has done some extreme damage to women’s views of men in western nations. They’ve portrayed men as evil, hateful, violent, dangerous, rapists, murderers, child molesters, etc. This portrayal tends to be one of men as-a-class, rather than addressing the individuals responsible for violence, rape, etc. This portrayal has led to a major surge in misandry in the developed world. And worst of all, that trend goes unseen by most people, is denied by most people when attention is drawn to it, and is actively spread by the feminist elite on college campuses.

The Two Biggest Problems in the World

One of my spiritual teachers says this about the battle of the sexes: “the two biggest problems in the world are women’s anger about giving their sexual energy to men, and men’s fear of receiving women’s sexual energy.” I tend to agree with this evaluation, and would expand it a bit by changing the word “sexuality” to simply “power.”

This is why I say that masculism and feminism are a dead end in the quest for sexual reconciliation in the human species. Masculism serves only to increase the gynophobia present in the world. Feminism serves only to increase the misandry present in the world. These are the two biggest problems between men and women – anger and fear – and the men’s movement and women’s movement only serve to exacerbate them. Neither can ever lead to reconciliation.

Equalitarianism, then, seems a better option. It allows us to work towards true equality by expressing things through the lens of both sexes and all races, instead of through the lens of one subgroup of society. It allows issues of men’s and women’s rights to be addressed through a common set of values and beliefs, rather than through two competing sets of values and beliefs that are at odds with one another.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 3 replies

How to pee standing up

rayann — Sat, 07 Feb 2004 23:55:43 GMT

A woman's guide on how to pee standing up, device free.

http://www.restrooms.org/standing.html

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 8 replies

what questions can we ask..

sobey — Wed, 16 Feb 2005 08:04:51 GMT

to bring forward gender reconciliation?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 13 replies

Healthy communication w/ex-husband

MelloDee — Mon, 20 Jun 2005 16:03:33 GMT

I'd like to utilize this group to help me to cultivate a healthy relationship with my ex-husband. We have been separated for two months and it looks as though we will not be getting back together. So, I'd like to be able to communicated with him in a positive way.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 4 replies

Scarred by Hateful Feminism

TempO — Tue, 13 Jan 2004 06:01:30 GMT

I don't know the numbers, and I imagine they are few, but I am wondering if any of the men or women here have been traumatized by any truly hateful feminists in their lives?

To back up a second, I do know that the way we see gender issues in this country DOES need to be evolved, and that feminist thought has brought a lot of healing into our world, and that sometimes it has been necessary to act on some anger.

From what I've noticed many men and women are not getting the message so the struggle continues to bring about equality and end the violence brought onto women mostly by men.

Yet, I also know after 36 years that severel women in my early life emotionally abused me out of a misplaced rage they had, and that they misused the ideas in feminism to grind their axes against the men in their lives. I don't know how many men have taken in angry feminist critique into a form of self-loathing, but I did. And I wonder how many men feel they have been negatively effected as well? More than just upset or hurt, how many men feel they have a distorted view of what might actually be positive male or even human characteristics? I also wonder how many women feel this might feel the same?

When I first started to clue into this in college I was told that the few men who were negatively hurt by radical anger were casulties of war, and that if men ended up being unjustly hurt it would hardly balance out the hurt that women have felt for centuries. I used to consider myself noble for receiving the verbal abuses and hostile analysis I received and felt it my duty to undertake the penancy for centuries of male hatred of women.

Before anyone feels the need to defend positive feminism, let me be one of the first. But I also have felt alone in neither being a man that needs more consciousness raising from people full of rage, nor am I a man that still endlessly pursuing only my feminine side. Are there others?

And are ther any women who have felt guilt or shame for wanting more traditional gender roles? A friend of mine still feels guilty because all of her radical feminist friends no longer talk to her because she happily chose to be a stay at home mother.

It's a volatile topic, but I think we can have it.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 20 replies

(Hat-shep-soot)

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 02:46:59 GMT

12/23/2005: "HATSHEPSUT" by Michael Corbin

She was what you might call, "a woman with balls." Almost literally.

That's just one of the conclusions observers may draw from "Hatshepsut: From
Queen to Pharaoh," the colossal exhibition now showing at the deYoung Museum
in San Francisco.

Hatshepsut (Hat-shep-soot) was an Egyptian queen who was also the
step-mother and aunt (that's a whole other story) of future Pharaoh
Tuthmosis III. The exhibition teaches that she married her half-brother
Tuthmosis II, who had Tuthmosis III with another woman before he and
Hatshepsut "hooked up" and ruled together.

The exhibition portrays Hatshepsut as an ambitious woman. When Tuthmosis II
died, he appointed his son heir to the throne, however, "Little T" was too
young and Hatshepsut ruled with him until she "officially" declared herself,
"Pharaoh." Certainly a ballsy move not without controversy given the lack
of precedent and the constant jockeying for power amongst the power hungry.

There are literally dozens of artifacts on display in the Hatshepsut
exhibition. Many of them are worthy of mention, however, none moreso than
two giant statues that are definitely the hilights of the entire museum
visit.

The monuments, which sit side by side, show Hatshepsut as she appeared (or
had herself portrayed) as queen and later on, as she looked (or had herself
portrayed) as pharaoh. As queen she looked small, quite feminine, curvy,
almost frail and feline-like. However, as pharaoh, she's quite large,
decked out in masculine garb and even has a beard. I'm tempted to say,
"Lion King," but I won't. Quite literally, she must have been one of the
first cross-dressers! It's weird, but I guess it was required back then.

Putting these two statues together is a common-sense approach on the part of
the curators, yet brilliant nonetheless. It raises so many questions. Was
Hatshepsut a power-hungry, cross-dressing lesbian? Or was she just defying
the all-male order the best way she could? Was the beard simply her
equivalent of shoulder pads? Why didn't she just rule as queen and
surrender the thrown when young Tuthmosis III came of age? How did she even
get away with the get-up? People aren't stupid. They had to have known.
Did they accept it? The exhibition says that she ruled for a long time
during major societal advancement. Perhaps her subjects were benefitting in
ways that made it all worth it to them. Who knows?

Historians certainly have their theories, but we'll probably never really
know the full story. The exhibition also teaches that when Tuthmosis III
aspired to the throne, he had Hatshepsut's monuments (the ones depicting her
as pharaoh) mutilated and Hatshepsut herself vanished. Clearly, this was a
woman who was WAY ahead of her time ... and OURS.

"We have a way to go," said a San Francisco gallery manager with whom I
later spoke about the exhibition. The gallery manager is also a man who
reached the same conclusion I did after seeing, "Hatshepsut: From Queen to
Pharaoh." Why Hollywood hasn't made a film about this is beyond me. Too
expensive?

Funny thing about history. We look back and view the past as if the people
were so backward and ignorant. "How could they have thought that?" we ask.

However, the most important questions about this exhibition are the ones we
should be asking about our society TODAY. What makes the Hatshepsut
exhibition so stunning is not what happened back then, but how WE are living
NOW.

How can it be that an "ancient" society had a female ruler and we, the
United States of America, supposedly the most advanced nation in human
history, has yet to even come close? Women must also share some of the
responsibility here. American women wield serious power. If they truly
wanted a female president, it would happen. Of course, no one wants a
leader JUST because they're a particular gender or race, but haven't we
reached a point where those considerations can be assets rather than
liabilities?

If nothing else, our examination of art history, history in general, should
give us the insight and tools necessary to push our own society forward. We
can learn from history's mistakes and build on its success.

"Hatshepsut: From Queen to Pharaoh" is mind-boggling because it so clearly
turns the mirror back on US. Despite all of the questions we want to ask
Hatshepsut, she is asking US from her deep entombment, "How far have YOU
really gone?"

Yes, we have the technology, but have we progressed? Hatshepsut's spirit is
alive in many women and people in general today, but you have to wonder ...
For all of our empty gazing and gawking at royal Egyptian treasures, will we
ever catch up to ancient Egypt?

MICHAEL CORBIN IS A WRITER AND AVID ART COLLECTOR
http://blog.absolutearts.com/blogs/archives/00000197.html#comments

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 2 replies

Gender Recon Contest

sobey — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 00:06:06 GMT

What's the fastest reconciliation between the genders you have ever had?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Gender Reconciliation Cinema

sobey — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 09:19:41 GMT

I think that a lot of movies out there are good material for discussion of gender reconciliation. In most cases its thru the dysfunctions that we are hit over the head with the need to find a solution.

Some examples..Jude Law tends to be in a lot of films with a similiar role..Closer and Alfie to name two. In this role he is the playboy Englishman character who thinks he can win at a selfish game that involves other womens hearts which ends up blowing up in his face. In the process you see how much the game of seduction is a barrier or a stumbling block in terms of the war of the sexes.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 5 replies

What do you think of this?

The_L_To_The_T — Mon, 15 Aug 2005 14:20:53 GMT

I think this is an insult to women and it also explains why intelligent Americans are so rare and unpopular...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v61/Texasbadboy/HS4.gif

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 6 replies

In the News

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 19:26:10 GMT

TORONTO - Patrick Swayze never knows when "Dirty Dancing" fans will strike. "It's incredible," says the actor, who played the hip-swinging Johnny Castle in the hit 1987 film.

"All of the sudden I'll be pinched on the rear and jump and turn around and I'll see this little blue-haired old lady running back to her group of friends going: 'I did it, Martha. I did it!' "

While Swayze went on to star in films like "Road House," "Point Break" and "Ghost," he's probably best known for "Dirty Dancing," in which his bad-boy character teaches teenager Baby ( Jennifer Grey) some risque moves during her summer vacation.

The movie plays endlessly on TV, and one U.K. poll recently named the scene in which Swayze lifts Grey out of the lake during a dance lesson as Hollywood's greatest ever.

"Little girls who weren't even born when the movie was made (are) huge fans. It's hysterical," says Swayze's wife of 30 years, dancer Lisa Niemi.

These days, the 53-year-old actor is again strutting his stuff, this time in "One Last Dance," written and directed by Niemi, who also co-stars. Released on DVD earlier this week, it is the story of three aging dancers who reunite to help keep a dance company afloat.

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050827/ap_en_mo/people_swayze

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Wound deep inside of me...

zvonko — Thu, 07 Jul 2005 19:50:48 GMT

I'm sick since the day I was born,my sex is a deep wound. Where is the healing for this ancient split in the Being?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Mulan- great female image in film

connected1 — Mon, 04 Jul 2005 11:56:41 GMT

With this one I thought "Disney" may have finally woken up. Positive heroines can influence the next generation of women.

Join:

mulan.tribe.net

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Founding Mothers

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 19:55:24 GMT

Does anyone know of the founding mothers of the United States?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Mother Earth?

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 08:53:31 GMT

It seems the sun is viewed as male and the earth is viewed as female.

Why is this? I see it as Father Earth and Mother Sun.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 6 replies

bitter laughter

eYen — Tue, 03 May 2005 20:15:48 GMT

gender reconciliation?
... and im seeing a number of familiar faces from the CR tribe.
ha.

it seems that every conversation about GR ends up with this same pattern:
girl: so... patriarchy.
boy1: doesnt exist!
boy2: what about anti-male bigotry?
boy3: you boys are part of the problem! men should repent! feel shame! you can never understand, try hard enough to understand, or actually understand enough to make a difference - so all males who are aware enough to care and are honestly trying to improve how people relate should just feel the sexuosocial burden of guilt more totally and crushingly than they already do!
girl: good points #3!
boy2: what about anti-male bigotry?
boy1: patriarchy doesnt exist!
.
.
.
stop
.
without getting into linguistic games, no male can say that patriarchy doesnt exist. call it whatever you want but all around me i see women suffering from a huge complex of societal patterns - many of which have been lumped under the label of 'patriarchy'.
this is not to say that men dont suffer due to sexism but that is not the issue being discussed (although people endlessly want to argue that it is). the two problems are interconnected but in discussions of each the other gets set up as a distractor.
it is up to everybody who wants to be involved in GR to be able to listen and talk without judgment from or towards the other person in the discussion.

perhaps a start would be utilizing the ideas of safe/sacred space for the interaction. i know that i would be (and have been) honored by my female friends for talking to me honestly about WHAT they have experienced, how they FEEL about that, and HOW i can become more sensitive to that and HELP relieve some of the burden they carry by changing the way i act... those little unconscious things that need to be pointed out.
i saw a good discussion forming on the value of venting... perhaps here is a good example of the complexities and fine lines involved:
im totally open to "i experienced this' and 'i feel that' and even 'when you do x i feel y because..."
but im sorry that i have spent too many years flogging myself with shame and guilt - full of hatred for masculinity in general and mine specifically - to accept that form of living in the past. i kind of like this moment here and now where i can treat each interaction i am currently having as the most important and focus my being on love and compassion for myself and thereby extending that to the other.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 10 replies

helping men to understand patriarchy

rayann — Sun, 24 Apr 2005 23:42:28 GMT

it has been my experience that upon having attention drawn to the patriarchal system that we live in, some men are a. confused or b. perceive it as a personal attack.

Other than explaining that by no means is recognition of a social and political system a personal attack on males, i am wondering what is the most efficient technique to facilitate understanding.

i feel like increased understanding of the context in which both genders live is key to reconciliation.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 21 replies

::Synopsis of Bridging the Gender Divide::A SexLoveIntelligence Workshop Series

sobey — Fri, 13 May 2005 18:01:12 GMT

::Synopsis of Bridging the Gender Divide::A SexLoveIntelligence Workshop Series

Here's a version of the synopsis that omits some details but gives overall sense of what we covered in this pilot that Marise and i co-faciltated largely with the Tribal Harmonix dance community in Vancouver...Note: Together means both sexes together and Separate indicates where we worked in separate genders in separate studio's alternating each week.

::Synopsis of Bridging the Gender Divide::
A SexLoveIntelligence Workshop Series

Session 1 (together)
Theme: Self Love

An introduction to the exploration of conscious relating and sacred sex that begins with self-love. Setting intentions towards planetary healing thru cultural healing.
Foundations of No-Form, grounding, forming healthy boundaries energetically, and the microcosmic orbit
are given. Deepening presence and developing connectivity of our group for the work ahead.

Selfwork: Make love maps from childhood to present to reflect upon throughout the series.

Session 2 (separate)

Exploring self love further looking into positive & negative
attributes of masculinity and feminity with attention to archetypes.Introduction to polarity ritual. We activate the energies of the
God and Goddess that represents the highest attributes we wish to collectively invoke. Introduction to solo cultivation of sexual life force.

Session 3 (together)
Theme: Self Love / Conscious Relating

From self love we look at the beginning stages of falling in love and the ways we consciously engage each other.
Observation of the relationship cycle. Defining conscious relating collectively as a path of awakening.

Selfwork: List yin or yang attributes you wish to integrate from opposite polarity.

Session 4 (separate)

Raising energy of kundalini to clear blocks to our energy body. Focus on reframing and clearing unwanted energies to be fully present.

Session 5 (together)
Theme: Conscious Relating and Intimacy Building

Reflecting on Narcissus myth, looking at ego and how to love ourselves while remaining connected
with others. Looking at chaos and relationships and the role of the unknown. Examining the difference between sexuality and intimacy.
Nurturing meditation to ground conflict resolution.

Selfwork:

Session 6 (separate)
Integration of male/female attributes to relate as whole beings. Achieving synthesis of polarities
we seek by recognizing resources within us from the past and anchoring them.

Session 7(together)
Theme: Gender Reconcilliation and Celebration

Bridging the Gender Divide with Community Ritual
A look at communication, deepening vows and releasing ceremonies.
Sacred sex exploration using massage and games.
Reflections for integrating the whole. Giving of feedback.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

what is masculine?

roo-roo — Sat, 07 May 2005 20:45:57 GMT

In another thread, Ian wrote: "...i have never known what true masculinity is...."
"....some of the most important objectives would be to actually figure out what healthy beautiful masculinity is...."

This made me realize that I don't have a concrete definition of what masculinity is either. Up until now, I'd never really thought about it.

So what does masculinity mean to all of you? And while we're at it, what does femininity mean to you? We all know what society thinks; what do YOU think?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 2 replies

helping people to understand anti-male sexism

evan — Sat, 30 Apr 2005 01:08:32 GMT

It has been my experience, much like heatherbliss mentions in the thread she started, that upon having attention drawn to the anti-male sexism in the society that we live in, the overwhelming majority of people are a. entirely ignorant of it, or b. in complete denial of the mere possibility that it even exists.

Like heatherbliss, I too am wondering what is the most efficient technique to facilitate understanding.

And again like heatherbliss, I feel that increased understanding of the context in which both genders live is key to reconciliation.

But how does one express sexist oppression of men without stirring the ire of everyday people? I've found it nearly impossible. Often, even if I just quote some numbers from government statistics, people get all up in arms as if I've just claimed that women don't suffer oppression too, or as if I've just demanded that women "go back to the stone age."

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

advice to encourage without nagging

Sue — Tue, 28 Dec 2004 20:16:47 GMT

so, the age old question,
how does one encourage one's husband to
. . . go excercise
. . . turn off the tv
without sounding like a nag

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 8 replies

The Harmony Circle

sobey — Fri, 07 Nov 2003 09:56:55 GMT

October 16, 2003 - 01:07 AM
The Harmony Circle
This format has been used in my tribal dance community on a small few occasions, each one for me greatly healing and empowering. The portent of it is to encourage Men circles and Womens circles to conjoin after each focusing on a topic that affects the male/female split to share the outcomes and work towards creating actions in our lives and intentions to be resonated into the world based on healing this divide.

This has been done both with men and women meeting separately on separate nights and coming together on another as well as all in one go. In each case it was beneficial when it was not too rushed and there are no distractions. For this reason Burning Man was a challenging yet appropriate environ for this to happen this year.

By no means am i any expert in Gender Reconciliation though i am very interested in engaging this. What can develop in a physical gathering and what can happen online here is far from my control.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Gender Reconciliation Movement

sobey — Tue, 05 Apr 2005 07:10:57 GMT

Thought i'd post from the institute that inspired me to start this tribe and to do the work of this sort i've done in past several years in my tribal underground dance community. They've got it going on too. Check their website!

http://www.satyana.org/gender.html

Introduction

Gender reconciliation is essential to lasting social change

Despite the major advances of the women's and men's movements, gender injustice remains a fundamental challenge worldwide. The infamous "battle of the sexes" rages on across the globe on myriad levels, ranging from the banal to the catastrophic. Examples of the latter include the strategic use of rape as a weapon of war in civil conflicts from Bosnia to Rwanda, the persecution of gay and lesbian populations due solely to their sexual orientations, and the skyrocketing rape in South Africa since the end of apartheid.

Women and men must work together to h

eal gender injustice. After decades of separate women's and men's
movements—valuable though they have been—the time has come for women and men to band together to jointly confront and transform gender injustice. Both women and men are afflicted by gender injustice, and each needs the other for a true and complete healing. Such unified gender work is almost entirely absent in our society, even in otherwise highly conscious social, political, spiritual, and organizational contexts. Satyana Institute's Gender Reconciliation program was created to take first steps toward filling this void.

A spiritual foundation is essential to gender reconciliation. The challenge of sexism and gender disharmony is ultimately a collective spiritual crisis. As Martin Luther King emphasized in his pioneering civil rights work, the issue was not blacks versus whites, but rather justice versus injustice. So too here: the issue is not men versus women, but justice versus injustice. Yet both the women's and men's movements have tended to develop their advocacy in polarized gender terms. Both sides have restricted their analysis to standard psychological and sociological frameworks, while often omitting the deeper spiritual aspects. Yet a more unitive "spiritual" dimension of consciousness is fundamental to transforming gender injustice. Only on this level can the duality of opposites be transcended in a deeper, all-encompassing unity.

History of Satyana Institute's Gender Reconciliation Project

Responding to the need for women and men to collaborate together in a spiritually grounded approach to transforming gender injustice, the Satyana Institute created its project in Gender Reconciliation. Over the past 12 years, the Institute and its predecessors have organized more than 40 gatherings for women and men to jointly explore the delicate, uncharted terrain of mutual gender healing work. Taken as whole, these exploratory events in gender reconciliation have demonstrated that powerful, largely untapped dimensions of collective healing and transformation are possible when women and men jointly address gender disharmony with sensitive care and integrity in skillfully facilitated mixed groups.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 2 replies

Bridging the Gender Divide, A Sex Love Intelligence Workshop in Vancouver

sobey — Mon, 14 Mar 2005 20:22:19 GMT

BRIDGING THE GENDER DIVIDE, a Sex Love Intelligence Workshop

An interdisciplinary workshop combining dance, paratheater, qi gong, journal writing, discussion, massage designed to enhance awareness of male/female energy, communication, conscious relating & sacred sexuality.

Men & Women mixed nights::

Mondays 6:30-9pm April 4,18 @ the Office

Womens nights::

Mondays 6:30-9pm April 11, 25, May 9 @ the Office

Mens nights::

Mondays 7:30-10pm April 11,25,May 9 @ Poi Studio

Final Group Night::

Thurs 8:30-11:30pm May 12 @ Poi Studio

* please note all participants must register for entire series. There are NO DROP-INS.

$85 before March 24-$100 after March 24
Early registration appreciated. For registration/info contact Marise at 604 298-3452 or Sobey at 604 720 6124.

Facilitators:

Marise Vachon is an experienced mover with 14 years practice as a yoga,qu gong and dance teacher. She is also a registered Jin Shin Do Acupressurist and certified in Thai massage. She facilitates inter-disciplinary workshops combining dance, spirituality and healing arts. [www.thewellnessqi.com]

Sobey Wing has been a facilitator of workshops including ones related to sex love intelligence in the underground tribal dance community network for the past 8 years. Topics and explorations that have been facilitated by Sobey have included polyamory,conscious relating and sex.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Cultural Healing

sobey — Wed, 23 Feb 2005 15:02:12 GMT

is i think the broader context of gender reconciliation. One of the tenants i have heard from the GR movement which is largely based in Boulder Colorado where GR conferences have been hosted is that to approach GR from a one to one position is extremely challenging. Thus having people of both genders approach it in large groups has a greater ability to resolve large patterned issues and promotes cultural healing.

Here in the lower mainland BC i am preparing another round of GR thru a workshop series with a co-facilitator coming up in April which will spend 7 weeks seeking ways to bridge the divide under the focus of sex love intelligence.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Secret Female Tribe

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 15:24:44 GMT

Does anyone else know of the secret female tribe? A bunch of women get together, subjectively talk about men.

Things are taken out of context. No chance to hear the other side is given. It's infested with hearsay. I only hope there isn't a male equivalent.

This bothered me at first, now it serves to filter out stupid females.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 24 replies

futuristic fiction

aryana — Mon, 13 Dec 2004 16:23:02 GMT

hello all - I write about the shifts in consciousness over the course of the next 40 years, from the perspective of an Ecotopian. Please enjoy these essays, more on the way!

http://www.aryon.net/backroom/index.html

Thanks to sobey for inviting me to this aweome tribe.

Aryana

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

the Venus Butterfly Effect

ionamiller — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 21:21:12 GMT

Psychology; Cultural Engineering: 2826 words

THE VENUS BUTTERFLY EFFECT
Sexual Healing: A Review and Discussion

By Iona Miller, CHT 12/04

?But couldn?t everyone?s life become a work of art? Why should the lamp or the house be an art object, but not our life?? ~ Michel Foucault

?The relationship between two people creates society; society is not independent of you and me; the mass is not by itself a separate entity but you and I in relationship to each other create the mass, the group, the society.? --Krishnamurti

?For all the trappings of civilized society, and our attempts to restrain and civilize it, sex remains forever the chaotic vital force, eclipsing our hearts and capturing our minds, winging on the airwaves in the throbbing beat of rock and roll, ensnaring all, in love's enticements and torments, from our founding creation myths, to our greatest dramatic performances. Its mountains of spice span the great divide between divine comedy and stark tragedy.? ~ Chris King, Sexual Paradox

?Total union is not possible when the ego is afraid to give up, and where the ego is not firmly grounded in the instincts it dare not surrender to the transpersonal power.?
~ Marion Woodman, Addiction to Perfection

The philosophy presented in Paul Pearsall?s 1994 book Sexual Healing is more pertinent than ever, as we seek new ways of healing ourselves, others, and our trouble-plagued world. Many people understand that this work begins at home, in ?cleaning up one?s own backyard?, but we can also come to understand that social outreach can be rooted in a healthy approach to our sexuality and wholeness.

In chaos theory?s butterfly effect, small influences are pumped up into great change; in the ?Venus butterfly effect? healing spreads from the sexual core of each of us into the environment. The seemingly inconsequential or unrelated affects outcomes in ways unpredicatable to modern humankind. We can certainly guess at many factors in our lives, but there are equally other things happening beyond our knowing that perturb our life paths into different choices. The same can happen on a greater scale, from molecular to global.

Sexual healing requires that we practice selflessness as often out of bed as we do in bed so that when we make love, we love like we live. Sexual healing suggests the universal principles of collective responsibility rather than individual right lead to better health for ourselves and our society. The focus to comply to avoid punishment must be replaced with intentionality.

The sexual and reproductive choices of each of us play a pivotal roll in the future of life and human culture. The multidimensional sexual relationship in its mingling of cooperative and competitive motifs, is a fundamental mystery of existence, out of which life, diversity and the richness of human culture spring - the condition of creative sexual paradox. (Fielder and King).

People connecting is the true act of healing. Sexual healing views the immune system as a sensual and sexual organ ? a liquefied nervous system. The primary purpose of sex as a psychophysical impulse is not to fulfill the individual but to promote more caring and intimacy everywhere and for everyone - family, society, and the world. Sexual healing is based on the sacredness and privacy of the two-person interaction. There are five levels of connection: with self, with another, with something more, with the present moment, and with the body of another person.

Intimacy/interdependence and immunity are inseparably linked, like mindbody and matter/energy. Our personal health is intimately related to our sexual and bonding styles, and reflects in the greater community at large. Our culture is rooted in our psychophysiology. Sexual healing is based on the assumption that the desire and ability to merge intensely with another person is crucial to health. Through it we connect with another person, the present moment, and open to the transpersonal, living in the moment not for the moment.

There are long-term health benefits in such unions. But healing love derives from caring acts, not spontaneous and romantic emotional reflexes and brain-chemistry which can be quite overwhelming and distressing. Pleasure heals. Sexual healing actively enhances relationship, feels good and fits well and constructively with the world and is good for your health. It is the physical expression of how we think, feel and believe about our healing partner. People either stress or nurture us, in general. We decide if we feel threatened or comforted, attracted or repulsed.

Psychoneurosexuality

Psychoneurosexuality suggests intimate relationships are not only choices of who and how we love but affect our health and that of our partner. Every act of love and intimacy is an act of immunity. We can protect and heal our bodies with healthy connections. Trust and security allow us to open to vulnerability.

In meaningful connected sexual intimacy our hormones are in erotic harmony that boosts immune function. Every sex act is potentially an anti-aging immune stimulation. Intimate relations are a way of stimulating, programming, balancing and strengthening the immune system.

Loving empathy is earned within an enduring, responsible, intimate exchange intentionally engaged in with another person. We feel love when we behave lovingly. Empathy means sensing and acknowledging another?s feelings, but sympathy validates them as authentic. Sexual healing combines both for mutual support. Our passions are prototypes for immune function and healing, and perhaps more foundational than fads in ?healthy living.? Those who pursue time-consuming health hobbies to the detriment of their relationships, take note.

Attachment Patterns
Adult romantic love can be viewed as a continuation of the attachment process. Love is an integration of three biologically based behavioral systems: attachment, caregiving, and sexuality. "Companionate love" includes attachment and caregiving but not necessarily sexuality, whereas "passionate love" emphasizes only sexual attraction. Attachment style is likely to exert a very pervasive influence on our relationships with others, because it reflects general views about the rewards and dangers of interpersonal relationships.
There are three typical attachment styles: secure, avoidant, and anxious/ambivalent. There are similarities in the life-cycle of adult love (an attaching ?in-love? phase leads on to a secure attachment) and childhood attachment (strong maternal attachment leads to secure attachment style).
Characteristics of parent-child relationships are probable causes of differences in infant attachment styles and are also among the determinants of adult romantic attachment styles. Attachment dimensions are likely to influence who one chooses as a dating partner and may play an important role in organizing behaviours, perceptions and expectations within dating relationships.
Secure individuals have a more positive self-image than insecure types. They are more trusting in general and likely to believe in people?s altruism and capacity and willingness and to adapt and control the outcomes of their lives. Their views of love are more romantic and less practical. They tended to report warm relationships with caregivers.
Insecure people have lower self-worth and confidence. They believe human nature is complex and difficult to understand, consider others less altruistic and more likely to conform to social pressures. Love style is related to obsession/dependency. They tend to report cold or inconsistent caregiving. Differences in attachment are linked to differences in beliefs about self and others in ways that are consistent with attachment theory.
Secure individuals? parental representations are characterized by differentiation, elaboration, benevolence, and nonpunitiveness. Representations by dismissing people were characterized by less differentiation and more punitiveness and malevolence. Fearful individuals describe their parents as relatively punitive and malevolent, but their representations are well differentiated and conceptually complex. Anxious-ambivalent people describe their parents ambivalently as both punitive and benevolent.
Differences in adult attachment styles are found to be related to differences in (1) most significant love experiences, (2) mental models of self and relationships, (3) attachment-history (memories of childhood relationships with parents), (4) vulnerability to loneliness, and (5) feelings related to work, such as feelings towards relationships with coworkers and using work to avoid social contacts.
Bonding is a buffer against both delusional delight and crisis, the slings and arrows of life. We learn to be attracted to the intensity of interpersonal relationship rather than our own arousal states (psychochemical high). Infatuation causes us to assess our emotional, cognitive and sexual coping capacity to be intimate in a healthy and satisfying way. An individual`s own attachment style was a stronger predictor of perceived relationship quality than the partner`s attachment style.
Compared with secure and anxious-ambivalent persons, avoidant persons report lower levels of intimacy, enjoyment, promotive interaction, and positive emotions, and higher levels of negative emotions, primarily in opposite-sex interactions. Avoidant persons may structure social activities in ways that minimize closeness. Secure people differentiate more clearly than either insecure group between romantic and other opposite-sex partners.
1. Personal attachment style has a more significant effect on how relationships are experienced than partner`s style.
2. Males will report lower levels of interdependence, commitment and satisfaction when with anxious females.
3. Females will report lower levels of trust and satisfaction when with avoidant males.
Relationships can have an effect on attachment style, but attachment style is actually pretty robust and rarely affect another?s attachment style. Attachment style is related to attachment history, beliefs about relationships, personal love style, duration of romantic relationships, self-esteem, avoidance of intimacy, limerance and love addiction.
This suggests attachment style is likely to exert a very pervasive influence on the individual?s relationships with others, because it reflects general views about the rewards and dangers of interpersonal relationships. Attachment history has a decreasing effect on style of romantic relationship as individuals age.

Sexual Healing

We can be nurtured by someone without feeding on them. Sexual healing is based on sharing our life energy generated by a fully connected life. It is not possible when we draw from the core our partners? life energy or give energy from our own core. We can give altruistically without giving lives away to energy vampires. Sexual healing requires a new view of bonding and a concept of connective codependence as a cure ? a means of deploying one?s loving erotic style to care for and with another no matter how severe the relationship crisis and challenges may be or how hurt and impaired the partner may become.

Sexual healing requires us to move beyond mindbody chemistry toward more growth-promoting, meaningful, stable, enduring, more demanding relationships, focusing on the other rather than our internal high. Sexual healing involves recognition of your own, your partner?s, and you relationship?s variations in sexual intimacy. It is a measured response to the true identity and essence of the other person. Bonding is based on connective codependence and interdependence and is the source of the most powerful sexual healing.

Pearsall helps us reclaim our psychosexual essential nature from the ?sexual syndicate? with its negative labels, mechanical technical proficiencies, ersatz taboo-breaking, and hypersexualized but relatively meaningless sexual context and content. Media arguably plays as big or larger of a role in the syndication of sex than the healing arts.

The net result is that we either manically try to ?measure up?, or feel like failures, grow despondent, wrongly viewing ourselves as addicts or codependents. We import techniques from outside of ourselves to ?fix? the problems from self image and sexual compulsion to erotic anesthesia.

My own experience as a therapist with a specialty in sexual abuse throughout the 1980s and ?90s showed me quite graphically that many of the principles being preached by the recovery movement and other social institutions lacked a certain fundamental insight.

They spoke of the four primary modes or dimensions of human connection: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual, but often in a prescriptive not in a cohesive way. It seemed like a one-size-fits-all formulaic approach, with a dogma of ?dos? and ?don?ts?. The guiding principle of sexual healing is Oneness and connection, not power, control, or even personal autonomy.

Sometimes the enforcement of these models of life, sexuality, and recovery were toxic in and of themselves. In collusion with misplaced religious zeal, it spawned the poisonous cultural memes of Satanic Panic and False Memory Syndrome, which consumed many lives. Families were split apart by an imported delusion and faulty social model, children were manipulated and confused, enforcement agencies and courts were tied up, people were falsely accused and imprisoned, etc.

At best, rigid protocols and endless meetings were the ?only? way to become a more functional individual, lest one continuously repeat the dysfunctional cycle or pass it on to future generations. This distorted control over cookbook definitions of good sex has created a bondage of self-pleasure.

Sexual Shamanism

But wouldn?t it be terrific if we could perturb society and mount the same kind of effect in a positive direction based on sexual healing, and permeating the fabric of life from the molecular to the transperonal level? This would go a long way toward healing our mindbody splits, left over from the obsolete paradigm of the mechanistic age. It reminds of Lysistrata, and the more recent ?Women Who Slept with Men to Take the War Out of Them?.

Pearsall dared question some of these underlying recovery-based assumptions without attacking the system directly. Instead he simply offered a treatment philosophy he felt supported overall health more strongly. Some of these values are echoed in tradition while others are revolutionary in their simplicity. Sexual healing is an androgynous process that combines the strengths and counterbalances the vulnerabilities of gender roles. It might therefore be considered a creative movement toward gender reunion, or wholeness.

He suggested a type of sexual shamanism, that a sexual healer is a model of sexual health, not just one with an absence of sexual problems. He called this personality an Erotophilic ? a lover of the erotic, of Eros, of close intimate contact. In myth, Eros is wed to Psyche, the psychophysical imaginal faculty. The child Voluptas embodied their mutual joy. Giving, not just trying to get, makes us healthy and heals us. We partner in a kind of privileged miracle.

All shamans exhibit sensual activity and playful joy in living with others. A sexual healer is a ?care-sharer?. Stamina and desire emerge spontaneously from those who are energetic, erotic, tender, responsible, happy, confident, empathic, sympathetic, and fulfilled. Motivation follows the exchange of intentional caring acts. Why wouldn?t it?

But Pearsall doesn?t burden us with ?New Age guilt? or shame about our health or lack of it. He busts the myths of self-healing, illness, grief and guilt as enemies, positive thinking, codependence and the heroic medical model. In fact, he considers illness a learning experience that perturbs our emotional stagnation. Suffering sickness is an inspiration for healing and an ?evolutionarily necessary because it drives us toward reconnection and the maintenance of our connections.? No disease kills people faster than loneliness. Most depression is rooted in lack of meaningful connection, bonding.

Connection guarantees the continuation of our genetic identity and the survival of humanity and the world. ?Health isn?t strength, it?s balance. Sickness isn?t failure, it?s a challenge.? He points out that health as a convenience allows us to continue to engage as effective individuals in too much work or busyness, neglect our loved ones in narcissistic pursuits, and focus on distractions from feeling love and loving. Total health includes loving intimacy with those around us not just solitary health fitness practices and choices. Suffering can set us back or draw us together; none of us are self-sufficient.

But rather than polyamory, a term usually applied to guilt-free licentiousness rather than omnidirectional capacity for intimacy, he suggests a ?pentamerous model of sexual healing?, based in psychoneurosexualiy. Thoughts, feelings, caring, intimate touch, eroticism and healing can be united through meaningful sexual intimacy to promote wellness. Important factors include 1) self esteem; 2) intimacy; 3) coherence or rapport; 4) mindful celebration; and 5) sensual connection at the molecular level.

Sexual healing is a paradigm that transcends the mechanical tension-release model of the last 50 years. It looks for the healer between and maximizes the power of intimate connection between two people who choose to link their inner healers, to seek meaning in life together, and to express that connection physically.

The body is designed for connection. The body is an enchanted resonating musical instrument on which our minds play. We can use it as a means of celebrating and actualizing our connection with another person, an interactional synchrony. We can literally breath love and life into one another, particularly in times of illness or suffering.

When we make love, in a sense all of us have made love, since we all share the same genetic stuff. The sexual response model of sexual healing is based on the art of sex and the process of creating beauty and meaning together by merging not only our bodies but our most personal inner healers. Responsible intimacy leads directly toward world transformation.

We can heal ourselves, heal another, and help heal the world. Sexual healing is volitional, rational, socially responsible merging with our lover to find multidimensional meaning together: enhanced self esteem (self-actualization), increased sense of intimacy, shared sense of life coherence, mindfulness of the present moment, and sensual expression of loving caring. Sexual healing is thinking, behaving and responding sensuously with another person.

Meaningful sexual intimacy allows us to connect with the higher Self we all share, finding higher meaning and purpose in love. This helps with the manageability and comprehension of life?s seemingly endless chaos. Merging with someone we love makes us intensely aware of the present moment. It leads to an increased sense of purposeful, giving and caring life, constructive to society. Bonds don?t happen; they are made. Meaningful bonds are not the automatic and inevitable result of love, but result from loving behaviors and intimate caring acts.

All Bibles or sacred codes have been the causes of the following Errors:

1. That Man has two real existing principles, Viz: a Body & a Soul.
2. That Energy, call'd Evil, is alone from the Body, & that Reason, call'd Good, is alone from the Soul.
3. That God will torment Man in Eternity for following his Energies.

But the following Contraries to these are True:

1. Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that call'd Body is a portion of the Soul discern'd by the five Senses, the chief inlets of Soul in this age.
2. Energy is the only life and is from the Body, and Reason is the bound or outward circumference of Energy.
3. Energy is Eternal Delight.

- William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

butch and hetero, oh my

Sue — Wed, 24 Nov 2004 17:34:30 GMT

i'm contemplating starting a tribe on butch hetero women, although i don't want to rule out lesbians and bi's, i just want the discussion on being butch, but if butch alone is in the title, i'd fear only lesbians would visit.
but i'd rather have it a discussion on an existing tribe, so thought i'd first see if this tribe might be the place to have a discussion on being butch. by being butch, i mean prefering to were comfortable cloths, having my wallet and keys in my pockets. so much of what society (including alternative cultures) dictates women's role to look sexy no matter the personal comfort et al. there are times i like to look sexy and do (but not at the expense of painfull shoes et al), but generally day to day life i much prefer the jeans and t-shirt comfort. and i like folks first impression of me not be the sexy me.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Gender reconciliation is only part of it

The_L_To_The_T — Sun, 24 Oct 2004 23:20:50 GMT

Humanism (not secular Humanism, but straight humanism) and the concept that everyone should be judged individually and according to one set of laws and rules of conduct, is the only solution to bigotry.

Feminism has become, to me, women's way of shackling men and dehumanizing them while crying victim at the same time.

Men's rights groups, in many cases, as far as I've observed, dissolve quickly into fits of angry, woman hating rhetoric.

The same is true for black civil rights and white identity groups. White identity groups are instantly recognized as racist but that's hypocritical considering all the anti-white rhetoric coming from "pro-black" groups.

You're a humanist if you can approach any discrimination issue and keep your sanity and seek only to restore the balance...

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 4 replies

Lost hope

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 15:09:32 GMT

I don't see any progress.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 2 replies

What do you think of today's fashions for girls?

The_L_To_The_T — Thu, 14 Oct 2004 01:51:35 GMT

I saw a young girl walking to Bel Air last week and she was wearing sweat pants with the word "Juicy" on her butt. I've seen a LOT of clothes like that on girls lately.

I've also looked and discovered that certain Barbie dolls - the pilot Barbie and the corporate exec Barbie - are unpopular among women, and that the slut Barbie (see: Bratz) are quite popular.

I'm wondering if all this is being targeted toward young girls with the intent to make them think their self esteem and being is dependent upon their sexuality.

Has anyone besides me seen this? I find it disturbing and potentially illegal. I've already sent an email to my state rep of my district about it, as well as my state senators. Heck I'm writing my complaint out right now and I'm gonna be mailing it USPS tomorrow. You've basically read most of what I've said as it's a short letter.

I personally think companies who market this to children should be stopped or fined/busted... I can't get them to think about what they're doing to women, but I can make them feel the pain for peddling soft core porn to minors in the back door via the fashion industry.

What does anyone think about that?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 3 replies

Masculinity/femininity

Sunsong — Thu, 07 Oct 2004 10:48:48 GMT

So I have read several of the posts and keep coming across the presentation of socialization versus genetic differences. I would like to ask what folks mean when they use each of those, and also why, if they don't mind answering. I would also like to know why either side only frames it in a binary system and not expanding it further.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 6 replies

Why does the fallacy of "women are more mature than men their age" still persist?

The_L_To_The_T — Sat, 11 Sep 2004 03:05:54 GMT

This is an outright slander to all the hard working, law abiding, deep thinking, studious men I've ever worked and hung out with who've not only stayed on the straight and narrow but who've actually worked hard since their teen years to make spiritual, intellectual and commercial contributions to the people around them.

I'd say men are just as mature as women. But the mature ones aren't very popular sexually until they're rich and in their 30s and 40s.

Why does this propaganda still persist?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 3 replies

Confession

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 17:31:08 GMT

I'll admit it, i'm a recovering male chauvinist.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 22 replies

"Don't be economic girlie men," - Ahnold

The_L_To_The_T — Fri, 17 Sep 2004 00:44:33 GMT

"To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: Don't be economic girlie men," - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Who else besides me thinks this is an insult to women?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 11 replies

Neanderthal Men

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 16:43:53 GMT

I've noticed that some of us men act in ways that are so extremely vulgar I sometimes wonder about my own sex.

However, it is very dangerous to think all members of a group feel and behave the same way. There are men who are quite evolved in their attitudes. Unfortunately they tend to go un-noticed and don't get the attention that would promote their kind.

Anyone who collectively thinks of either sex, would help the cause of gender reconciliation by paying attention to individuality.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 12 replies

Chess

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 02:57:31 GMT

Why are so many women disintrested in this game?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 6 replies

Cultural Gender Values

sobey — Wed, 30 Jun 2004 04:00:25 GMT

Hanging with my Bosnian friend and discussing the differences she's experienced with gender in relationships and it makes me wonder how much differences there lie in that culture alone. Granted a very influential culture to North America..

One example that came up was based on watching Ingmar Bergman's Secret of Women which for its time period stands out HIGH above the shallow emotional range of American film of that period. It shows a husband who upon learning of his wifes infidelity immediately begins separation including his decision to pay for her to get another apartment and new furnishings. My friend said that is so typically European..the man being the father figure and the women being the little girls.

With each culture there seems to be this dynamic oftentimes and for the most part we in North America view it as something to be rectified but as my friend revealed there is also some charge from women that they prefer some things that preceded feminism to remain intact. It seems like that sometimes, that we want to preserve some of the old with the new ways of becoming. Is it always for the highest of reasons? Maybe not, but it's there all the same in the vulnerability of our bewildered moments in the unknown.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 5 replies

loud words and strong tones

jahla — Sun, 27 Jun 2004 23:32:13 GMT

I wish to be one
to not feel this divide
but
every thyme I hear a brother yell
I gut says runn and hide
it's something primal
reaches deep in side

for this is our greatest divide.

it could be from the past lives or this one
but healing must start now
so we can again become one

any suggestions on how this can be done?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 6 replies

Bonobo Monkey Field Operative Journal Entry

sobey — Mon, 05 Jul 2004 22:53:32 GMT

Came across this today:

Bonobo Monkey Field Operative (Spy) journal entry, date July4):

"It appears the female of their species is slightly more evolved than their male counterpart. Recent observations include evidence that the females have made the evolutionary leap of actually thinking a great deal about their woo-woos, whereas the males still seem stuck in same ol' rut of actually thinking too much *with* their wee-wees.

The disparity between perspectives seems to cause a great deal of interesting conflicts. I currently estimate their level of development as being 1000 years behind our own. Until we made the discovery of the ability to telepathically communicate with said woo-woos and wee-wees in sexual union, we were not unlike them. Will keep our tribe abreast of any sudden leaps in their awareness.

Current research with something they call the internet indicates the females seem to lounge around nude all day in a variety rather extravagant postures, playing with assorted fruit, all manner of contraptions and their woo-woo. The predominant male activity seems to be to watch all these interesting contortions and stuff while playing with their wee-wee.

All we might be able to hope for with them is a bit of progress in the right direction; Perfection seem a bit much to ask."

end report.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Cool GR Visions and a Dream I just had

jaya — Fri, 25 Jun 2004 01:00:45 GMT

This post is long. It's about gender reconciliation within myself. Anima & Animus stuff, and gender identification.

This tribe must have planted a seed in my brain. I just had the coolest gender reconciliation dream.

A little background first: i'm a woman on day 4 of the master cleanse fast with parasite cleanse added on day 2, and a 4 day juice/smoothie/raw before. Today is the first day i've been really tired. I ran errands, went to the Daily Juice to get my mc supply for the day, and came home and crashed in the middle of the day for almost 5 hours. This is my first time to fast, I've looked forward to some emotional cleansing as well to come and this is what i get!

Also, while I was biking my errands, i started to have this wierd feeling of not fitting in in my own skin. I was looking at tll the pretty curvy girls excersising on the hike & bike trail, and realized that i've always felt like a curvy girl, but looked like a little boy. From grade school until college people have nastily teased me about being super skinny. I filled out a tiny bit in the hip area, but basically, I'm pretty thin. This has always been a self esteem issue for me, although mostly resolved now. In the last few years, during my saturn return time, I've realized I just don't have time to give a shit about that anymore.

But, i have had some issues feeling like I look like a boy. Whenever I cut my hair short, I feel boyish and a bit self concious. So, back to the bike ride. I acknowledged to myself that i have issues with my wiry charm. I then proceeded to gain some acceptance, maybe more abundant than I realized. I envisioned beautiful curvy women at a gathering, and then I envisioned trim, strong, high matabolism women looking super sexy. I saw myself as one of these sexy skinny women. There was an air of boyishness to their figures, but they were still sexy as hell. So that's my vision while riding the bike.

Then my dream later today...
From what i can remember, the dream starts as a preview of a movie. I'm at a theater, watching. The preview shows a hottie man, Brad Pitt style, at a movie theater leaning down to a voluptious long-haired beauty and whispering something in her ear. It turns out that she is his old librarian or teacher from grade school. He whispers something to the effect of "so nice to see you again", or "funny seeing you agian" or "hey Ms. ?? remember me?" I'm really engrossed in this preview, and at this point or sometime soon, begin to actually live this man's life in the movie preview.

As it turns out the hero's old teacher is some big wig government official and has secret service men protecting her. These protectors take away me, the hero, to an interrogation room/prison. I was just innocently excited to see her again, and they decide I'm some sort of threat to the established order! (Anima & Animus meet and reconciliation thwarted. It's funny, it was the powers of tradition and govt. that stopped the reconciliation, but the anima just sat there and let it happen)

Then the dream shows me sitting on a bunk in jail, but gathering followers/supporters. I had 15 followers, and it seems as if I'm becoming a revolutionary. (Animus sun, yang, activism energy)

Somehow I escape, and there's a chase. As in many of my dreams, I can fly if being chased. So I fly around on the tops of buildings and trees to escape the bad guys. Exhilirating matrix style maneuvers! I finally decide that I've lost them and land back down on the ground in some awesome/aweful international city like Bankock. All of the sudden the Agent-like guy is walking beside me. He seems to want to take me, but also to want to befriend me. I run, then fly off again on the chase to escape him. The dream ends with me feeling like I've escaped. Over and over during this dream, barely slipping into waking conciousness, I hear this term which seems to have GREAT importance, maybe the name of the movie? - "Digestive Security"

I guess with this fast, my psyche is finding lots of new things to digest!

Thanks for reading, I'd love your feedback.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Feminine Side

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 21:37:41 GMT

I've heard women say they want men in touch with their feminine side...

what traits are feminine?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 5 replies

ProMatriarchy

unstrucknote — Sat, 03 Jul 2004 15:21:36 GMT

http://promatriarchy.net/

Check this site out, the intro flash animation is worth it.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 3 replies

Hello, I'm new to The Tribe

Yishai — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 04:04:22 GMT

Hi all, just wanted to acknowledge you all for the good work of gender reconciliation. This has been close to my heart for as long as I can remember. I think that it is particularly important for us brothers to take on a big role in this work, especially amongst our selves and with the young ones. I'm glad to be a member of this tribe!
Love and Power
Yishai

A Warrior Heart Beats Within Us All,
We Have But To Listen

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 6 replies

In the battle of the sexes...

Sat, 12 Jun 2004 20:22:47 GMT

seems like it's the children who really get hurt more than the opposite sex.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 7 replies

Gender Recon @ Burning Man?

sobey — Sat, 12 Jun 2004 10:11:25 GMT

Anyone interested in seeing a workshop related to Gender Recon at Burning Man this year? i offered one last year and had one person come but would be willing to do one again.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Michigan Womyn's Music Festival

Queerbate — Tue, 01 Jun 2004 03:59:25 GMT

Not sure how well this topic "fits" in this tribe, but it's on my mind, and it's somewhat of a gender issue, so I'm bringing it up here.

I'm considering going to the festival this year with a good friend of mine and I feel very good about supporting the woman space of the festival, the "safe" space, lots of women in the woods running around shirtless and without fear of men being assholes. However the festival has a "female born female" policy which excludes trangender people from the space. The organizers have said that if the person is already through transition, that's ok, but if they still have the "male" vibe then they are not welcome on the land.

On one hand I think this is an outdated argument. Just because this space is all women doesn't make it safe. Women hurt other women. Women harass one another, women batter one another, women rape. No space is 100% safe and pretending you have a safe space is foolish and sticking your head in the sand. Plus you are excluding a important part of the community when you exclude transgender persons.

On the other hand the argument makes sense to me. It's valuable to have a "woman only" space. Someplace where men -aren't.- Someplace where women can be without the shackles that men put on us. Someplace where women can be comfortable in themselves and not have to fear who is around the corner.

What do people think? Is it irresponsible of me to support the festival? Thoughts?

The Michigan Womyn's Music Festival is a music and activity festival that happens every year in August and has been happening for a large number of years in the woods of Michigan. Women camp out and commune together.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Parenting

rayann — Tue, 20 Apr 2004 04:56:52 GMT

I came across a few suggestions in a development textbook for developing non-gender stereotyped children, and thought this would be a good place to share them and ask people if they have heard of or tried any others.

It is firmly stated that kids need early experiences that repeatedly counteract their readiness to absorb our cultures network of gender linked associations.

Suggested that parents eliminate trraditional roles fromt heir behavior by taking turns with daily activities like cooking, who drives when both are in the car, etc

kids should be shielded from bad media presentations of gender and older children should be explicitly taught about gender inequality and the history of it.

Does anyone in this tribe have children? Other ideas?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Does anyone else feel the same about 'chivalry'?

The_L_To_The_T — Mon, 24 May 2004 11:19:00 GMT

Recently I've begun to realize that chivalry is a pretty sexist system in which men are obligated to do nice things for women, but not vice-versa. We're obligated to do it and expect nothing in return. Our obligation is enforced with the overt threat of social ostracization and sexual unattractiveness if we don't obey.

I still do it, but every time I do I feel like less of a person since I'm pretty much doing it with the Sword of Damocles hanging over my head, and I get absolutely nothing in return... 99% of the time not even a thank you. I have to do it solely because of my chromosomes, which adds to the insult of it all.

When does anyone think this will end? I'm beginning to wonder if equality is a big sham.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 10 replies

I just saw the most misogynistic article I've seen in years

The_L_To_The_T — Thu, 27 May 2004 04:31:30 GMT

Not by just the extent to which girls are bashed, but by the sheer air of acceptability that wafts around this thing (kinda like putting lots of spices on a dead rat).

This report claims (and attempts to explain why) that baby girls break up more marriages than baby boys.

http://slate.msn.com/id/2089142/

This offends me even more because I want girls for kids more than I want boys...

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Sexual Harassment

rayann — Sun, 21 Mar 2004 01:49:57 GMT

Why do people feel the need to touch?

Although harassment comes in many forms the one I have had the most problems with is unwanted physical contact. I am constantly met with a huge communication block when being harassed that consists of the person not seeing anything wrong with their actions.

For example, hearing the response "but you are a cute girl" to extremely firm instructions not to be touched.

I have not yet been harassed by a woman so I can not offer much insight into the similarities and differences there, but I am wondering if anyone has suggestions or experiences with either gender that could be used to increase the person doing the harassing's understanding of the situation.

Although I have a pretty hard time removing my anger when having my personal space violated, I feel that there could be a better way to deal with these situations, and since it is one of the top concerns among many of the young women close to me I am on a journey of investigation.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 31 replies

Art of Responding to Yahoo's

sobey — Thu, 01 Apr 2004 14:11:42 GMT

wanting to see some pragmatic solutions to dealing with situations where someone is sliming you in public. Bonus points if you can go beyond humiliation into gender reconciliation without compromising personal safety.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 12 replies

Hello, newbie to the board

The_L_To_The_T — Tue, 20 Apr 2004 08:57:14 GMT

I consider myself a humanist.
Feminists hold to the radical notion that women are people.
Humanists hold to the radical notion that humans are people.

I'm not a secular Humanist at all, in fact I'm very non denominationally religious.

My background in "gender reconciliation" has been a see saw between fighting misogynists and abuse aimed specifically at women on one end (sexual harassment and women bashing, for a few examples), and similar bigotry against men (I won't even get into that now). I've sometimes been simultaneously called a misogynist and a hater of my own gender.

Anyways.. glad to be here!

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Roles & Relationships

sobey — Thu, 12 Feb 2004 04:46:42 GMT

Just picked up a book in a 50 cent bin at a used bookstore called "Roles and Relationships, A Practical Guide to Teaching About Masculinity and Femininity" by Barbara Stanford and Gene Stanford both Ph.D, a Bantam Book published in 76.

The premise of it is that young people need to be able to look at their sexual identity in order to mature into adulthood and that since the roles in gender are so different than what they were in the 60's and before this education is needed.

i wonder if there's been any progressive education in this regard anywhere in schools and am interested in fostering it. It's too scary seeing where it is now.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 7 replies

Recommended Writings

sobey — Mon, 29 Mar 2004 19:39:32 GMT

Shelly's post on Relevant Reflections stirred me deep. i am just reading the first half of The Mastery of Love, A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship by Don Miguel Ruiz. i think he paints an accurate picture of how we are born into the world and at an early age involuntarily subjected to the wounds of history,and lose our innocence and trust. This gets magnified easily throughout our lives. Thus relationship going beyond seeking to mask wounds for as long as possible becomes in its best aspect one of healing the emotional body. Not to say that other benefits are not to be found in relationship but that this healing is a key aspect. Still reading through it but i wanted to share how struck i was by the eloquence of how Don Miguel Ruiz describes the male female situation.

To Shelly, thank you for revealing through your words the intention to heal the rage and forgive to the cellular level the ignorance of mens actions. I understand in my own way what it means to hold rage towards men and to indulge in violent fantasy because its easy to justify. But wanting to keep that fantasy going is not want will truly help so yes, there must be a shift that allows the dynamic to find new reference points beyond violent retaliation without sacrificing the ability to defend oneself.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

recent revelations

shelley — Sun, 28 Mar 2004 23:26:07 GMT

the struggle to become comfortable with men has been a long and painful one. last summer i had an emotional breakdown due to an inability to cope with constant objectification and disrespect from men (mostly strangers, but some in knew well). going out dancing was in itself a challange because at times i was so sensitive to the attitudes of the men around me, i couldn't stand feeling their eyes on me or the occasional drunk guy copping a feel when walking by. at the pinnacle of this breakdown i had some strange kind of psychic flash flood, and i felt what i percieved to be all the pain any woman had ever felt at the hands of a man;all the bride burnings and gang rapes, all of it, and it was as if i could "see" in all directions the souls of those women, with scars right down the center of them. post-emotional breakdown i did some intense journaling and managed to find in myself the desire to forgive not just the guys around me, but the ones i don't yet know, the ones whom i judge as soon a i see them on the streets. i don't want to miss out on an opprtunity to connect with someone on any level just because they have a penis. the souls and their scars, i realized, where not only the women but the men as well, because at one time they were little boys who loved their mothers, and because so many are so afraid of not appearing masculine that they will never know the full and true love of a woman because the women that will be with them will be with them out of fear. fear of being hit, perhaps. fear of not being loved by anyone else. poor souls. ..so it has been a constant battle inside myself to feel comfortable enough in myself to not let these random men bother me, but at the same time to feel confident in my ability to defend myself if i found myself in a situation where someone was trying to take advantage of me. heather and i were discussing the slightly disturbing phenomenon of the vast number of women with the following fantasy: having a man try to take advantage of you, and then beating him very near to death. i have had this go through my head almost every single time i walked home alone at night since i was very young. since i knew what rape was. i am not, nor are any of the women i know who have assured me that they have this fantasy too, violent. it disturbs me that i get a sense of satisfaction when i imagine crushing a would-be-rapists head into a brick wall. maybe i was raped in a past life and need to continue working this out..but then considering how common rape is and always has been, perhaps most of us or even all of us have been raped at one time or another in our extended past. ..a few nights ago i was walking home, doing some serious considerations into how to go about releasing the rage i felt so strongly before completely. i began to think about what would happen if i were followed by a group of men...this is how it played out: the men start to follow me, and corner me, and are obvious in their intentions to rape me. i usually walk with a small blade in my pocket when walking alone downtown at night, so in this version, i pull it out and stab the closest man repeatedly-pause-got sick to my stomach-rewind-play-a man gets too close and as he grabs me, i ask him "if a man raped your mother, would you kill him?" man says something hateful about his mother and punches me-pause-rewind-play-same question..this time, he stops, and begins to cry. other men back away, somewhat unsure of what to do. i stand and watch the man crumble to the ground crying...<end> it is time i let go of all that rage. while i've never really experienced harassment or attack from a man personally, i know too many women (my mom, my sisters, countless girlfriends) who were deeply hurt in some way. for too long i have held on to my anger at those men who hurt them, i need to let it all go.

in the past few weeks my issues and problems with males has been manifesting as a sharp pain in my lower right back. after having some discussions with some very wonderful people and reminding myself that the men i choose to spend time with are fully respectful and loving and understanding, i feel so much more at peace and the pain has left me. thought i would share my thoughts and experience. this healing is so very vital.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

Genital Piercing Banned

rayann — Sat, 27 Mar 2004 04:36:53 GMT

taken from http://customwire.ap.org/dynamic/stories/G/GENITAL_PIERCINGS?SITE=FLTAM&SECTION=ENTERTAINMENT

Georgia House Bans Genital Piercings

ATLANTA (AP) -- Genital piercings for women were banned by the Georgia House Wednesday as lawmakers considered a bill outlining punishments for female genital mutilation.

The bill would make such mutilation punishable by two to 20 years in prison. It makes no exception for people who give consent to have the procedure performed on their daughters out of religious or cultural custom.

An amendment adopted without objection added "piercing" to the list of things that may not be done to female genitals. Even adult women would not be allowed to get the procedure. The bill eventually passed 160-0, with no debate.

Amendment sponsor Rep. Bill Heath, R-Bremen, was slack-jawed when told after the vote that some adults seek the piercings.

"What? I've never seen such a thing," Heath said. "I, uh, I wouldn't approve of anyone doing it. I don't think that's an appropriate thing to be doing."

The ban applies only to women, not men. The bill has already been approved by the Senate but now must return to that chamber because of the piercing amendment. Both chambers of the Legislature must agree on a single version of a bill before it can go to the governor for final approval.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 3 replies

ending gender war in domestic violence cases

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 01:13:46 GMT

Domestic Violence Myths Are Violent

* * *

The gap between public perception about domestic violence (DV) and its reality is astonishing. DV was recruited as a weapon in gender wars, but those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

In 1984, Diana Russell claimed that 54% of women were the victims of sexual abuse. In 2000, an advocacy group claimed that one in three women around the world have been physically assaulted by their partner. The horrifying statistics keep coming, and varying, but all insist that men are an inherently serious problem.

We rarely hear of the hundreds of serious, academic studies on intimate violence that have been done over the last 35 years. They do not serve those using violence for their own abuse of others. The most authoritative studies are the three Nation Incidence Surveys commissioned by the Department of Heath. While the rate of mild violence, such as slapping or throwing a magazine, are about the same per year for each gender (around 20%), women commit over twice the severe partner assaults as men: punching, kicking, and threat or use of a weapon: 4.6% of women and 1.9% of men.

Why has domestic violence been an effective tool for women when there has always been very little and women commit more of what does exist?

Because of the morality. Men are supposed to protect, especially protect women. Women are not. Men do not perceive women as a threat, so rarely complain even when seriously abused. But male violence against women, however rare, has a high emotional impact, especially upon those same, allegedly villainous men. Female violence is ignored while all are horrified by men’s, until it seems the only kind that exists.

As Patricia Pearson documents in her book, When She Was Bad, this means women get away with murder. Literally. And when everyone only reacts to male violence you can bully legislatures into special provisions for women and no protection for men, a dangerous imbalance that invites more female abuse of men.

The natural bias is understandable, but is a bias and should be so regarded. Is female violence less bad? Murray Strauss is one of the academic researchers who feels that, to a child, it doesn’t matter which gender it sees hitting which. It models violence as a response.

And should women get away with crimes we don’t tolerate from men? Gender double standards were considered bad, when women took their brunt. Do we want our laws and practices based upon emotion, or real threats?

Erin Pizzey established the first battered women’s shelter in the world, but by 1998 was so alarmed at the political use of DV that she wrote a scathing article for the London Observer. “Unfortunately, at this time the feminist movement – hungry for recognition and for funding – was able to hijack the domestic violence movement and promptly set about disseminating dubious research material and disinformation.”

This is a disservice for real victims of DV, who can be anyone. The wrong thing is targeted, wrong solutions provided, and not provided to the right people. Advocates do not care about reducing family violence. They seek the power in vilifying others.

So far I’ve been nice.

Women commit 55% of spouse murders, 64% of all child abuse including 78% of what results in death, 81% of parent murders, and 55% of sibling murders. Mothers commit 55% of child murders while natural fathers commit 6.9%. Yet the more common forms of female aggression are relationship violence and emotional bullying.

In divorce, to protect children from violence, perhaps we should always award sole custody to fathers.

Want to play gender politics with DV?

©2004 KC Wilson

* * *

To nourish children and raise them against odds is in any time, any place, more valuable than to fix bolts in cars or design nuclear weapons. - Marilyn French

* * *

K.C. Wilson is a social commentator and author of Where's Daddy? The Mythologies Behind Custody-Access-Support, and the e-books: Male Nurturing, Co-parenting for Everyone, The Multiple Scandals of Child Support, and Delusions of Violence: The Secrets Behind Domestic Violence Myths. Find out more at http://wheres-daddy.com

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

playgrounds

sobey — Fri, 05 Mar 2004 06:24:20 GMT

Having spent many days as a outside visiting facilitator in elementary schools across BC doing eco-education and youth leadership programs i am constantly opened by what i see in playgrounds and the relation dynamics between children. This goes between genders for sure altho also on all levels. Imagine seeing before your eyes things that reawaken childhood memories of when some of ones own wounds were made and embedded in the psyche. It goes beyond what i can personally make a noticable difference in but it definitely has given me much to contemplate.

Following this trajectory i was recently given a golden opportunity to facilitate for a program still underway that is about positive playgrounds. This program was born largely of reports indicating ailing fitness levels in children and the ever-present issues of bullying and low self-esteem levels. To implement the PowerPLAY program, as its called, integrates youth leadership training and application to allow the older grades to facilitate the younger in the teaching of positive games.

The games themselves i was hoping initially would be more innovative and new, touching upon cooperative,creativity,expression and the arts in addition to physical forms. i was especially hoping for some indigenous games that foster cooperativeness. i was given a resource called "Positive Playground" which features mostly traditional games for field, tarmac,wall ball, skipping,hopscotch,tag,jacks,clapping with some passive and cooperative games. These games, of which many of us are familiar, revealed in themselves both positive and negative aspects.

On the positive tip they were all capable of being used for cooperation, were good physical activities that kept kids engaged most of the time and were easily accessable to all ages which is ultimately a sustainable thing.

On the negative side i saw that there were things that reinforce genderlines, traditional cultural forms of relationship that don't integrate other dimensions in such things as skipping rhymes.

What was interesting though was to see boys and girls playing jump rope together, probably one of the few gender reconciling games you'll see in a schoolyard. Pretty much unheard of when i was little except when boys wanted to be mischievious and get girls attention.

In most of the games you could see the ingrained tendency of boys to dominate and girls, (save that tomboy or more outspoken girl) who might stand up to the bullishness of the boys. When anything went wrong, someone got injured it was predominantly the girls who went to deal with it tho not always. What i find hard at times is seeing all over again how teachers and parents and other students reinforce behaviours of all sorts i have issue with including competitiveness. To deal with that issue in particular is a major challenge tho some great exercises exist to attempt this.

We have several more schools to visit and i am sure i will experience much more revelation and make some go at placing my values into my work without going to radical. Working in schools has always challenged my alternative perspectives and posed creative challenges for me to bring them in without getting overtly dogmatic and authoritarian. i can only imagine what parenthood would be like for me.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

End Genital Mutilation of Children Worldwide

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 11:23:26 GMT

February 3, 2004

http://montagunocircpetition.org/

Dear Signer of the Ashley Montagu Resolution to End the Genital Mutilation of Children Worldwide,

We are approaching the end of the Montagu Resolution Petition's second year on the web, which is March 31, 2004. Last year, some of you will remember, we made a three month push, January through March, to get to 1,000 confirmed signatures by the end of our first year and we made it with some to spare.

We're starting the signature drive a little later this year - I'm such a nice guy I've given you January off! - but from now until March 31 we need ALL HANDS ON DECK to break 2,000 signatures by then.

It shouldn't be hard. Today we already stand at about 1,500. If those of us presently on the list find an average of just ONE new signer each by March 31, we'll break 3,000! Let's do it! Why not? Since there are more of us this year than last, let's see if we can get MORE signatures in LESS time! Go get two or four or eight, please! The more the merrier!

Signers of the Montagu Resolution are active in many ways around the world protecting children from genital mutilation. The movement is picking up steam, and the Montagu Resolution is a growing part of that energy and power. The website is not just a place to indicate your opposition to genital mutilation. It is also an increasingly effective tool to help you in our common human rights struggle to keep all children safe from genital harm.

For example, please make use of the Montagu Resolution website to find people in your area (or any area) who may want to help you put an end to genital mutilation in your state or province or nation. You can search the site for signers in your (or any) area by clicking the link

"2. Website endorsers"

on the Montagu Resolution home page and then clicking the "Country" or "State/Province" that interests you in the designated space. A list of signers residing thyere who have made their location public will appear! A wonder of the modern age! (If no other contact information is given, you can email me and let me know who you are trying to reach. I will try to contact them if they have given me permission to do so, to let them know you want to reach them, then they can contact you if they want to.)

Many thanks for everything you do to protect children from this tragic adult mistake.

Let's get those signatures flooding in again! EVERY additional signature makes us stronger and more able to save the babies, the children and the good future of our world.

http://montagunocircpetition.org/

Please visit this site and sign the petition.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

End Routine Genital Mutilation of Infants in "Modern" Hospitals

anarchistslut — Thu, 05 Feb 2004 14:57:30 GMT

Check out ipdx.org

Intersex Initiative (IPDX) is a Portland, Oregon based national activist organization working to end the medical abuse of children born with intersex conditions. We also challenge the medical and social erasure of intersex existence through raising the awareness of issues faced by intersex people. In addition to Portland, Oregon area, we have bases in the San Francisco Bay Area and in Japan, and work with various national organizations.

Intersex refers to a series of medical conditions in which a child's genetic sex (chromosomes) and phenotypic sex (genital appearance) do not match, or are somehow different from the "standard" male or female. About one in 2,000 babies are born visibly intersexed, while some others are detected later. The current medical protocol calls for the surgical "reconstruction" of these different but healthy bodies to make them "normal," but this practice has become increasingly controversial as adults who went through the treatment report being physically, emotionally, and sexually harmed by such procedures.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 2 replies

The Best Valentine's Day Gift for College Students: Gender Reconciliation

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 11:07:32 GMT

The Best Valentine's Day Gift for College Students: Gender Reconciliation
By Glenn Sacks
http://www.glennsacks.com/the_best_valentines.htm

Valentine's Day, once a happy occasion for college students, has instead become a day of rancor and discord which symbolizes the divide between men and women on college campuses.

Much of the sour sentiment surrounding Valentine's Day has been caused by Eve Ensler's "holiday" campaign "V-Day: Until the Violence Stops." For years the holiday's backers and its campus supporters in Women's Studies departments and women's centers have propagated a series of discredited falsehoods which stigmatize and vilify men by wildly exaggerating the extent of American men's violence against women. Dissident feminist Christian Hoff Sommers calls these canards "hate statistics."

Ensler's "holiday" is now "celebrated" on over 500 college campuses, and college newspapers are saturated both with misandrist (anti-male) V-Day ads and approving news stories and opinion columns. Valentine's Day, which in the past symbolized the romantic bonds between men and women, has been turned into a day which further separates them.

Bringing gender reconciliation to our college campuses will require several reforms and changes, the first and foremost of which is the reformation of Women's Studies.

Women's Studies began as a legitimate attempt to recapture women's lost place in "his story" as well as in modern culture, and to highlight the massive yet often hidden societal contributions of women. However, as many dissident feminists have noted, feminism has been hijacked by a bigoted minority which has excluded moderates and freethinkers. Women's Studies has become, to use Lenin's term, a "transmission belt" carrying misandry into the population at large. Both by its ability to capture media attention and its influence on the thinking of the 2.3 million men and women who graduate college every year, Women's Studies has helped poison American culture against men.

Rather than employing an entire class of academics who are paid to research, invent, teach, and propagate misandry, we need academic programs that promote true scholarship. The voices of dissident feminists and men's advocates, which are currently excluded, must be heard. These include: the eminently sensible Cathy Young, Camille Paglia, Wendy McElroy, Warren Farrell, and Sommers; as well as many others.

Second, we need anti-misandrist campus political organizations dedicated to promoting gender reconciliation. Many feminist groups and campus women's centers claim, at least in public, that "men are welcome here, too." Some have even changed their names to include men, and many now include male victims among the female victims in their statistics sections.

However, the reality behind their “welcome” is that men are invited to join feminist groups so they can be taught to dislike men as much as feminists do. Male victims are only listed and acknowledged if the perpetrator of the crime is also male, as in child molestation or domestic violence between gay men. Crimes committed primarily by women, such as child abuse, parental murder of children, and child endangerment, are ignored, as are heterosexual male victims of domestic violence and victims of false accusations of rape or abuse.

Campus groups which seek gender reconciliation face many challenges. For example, the University of New Hampshire group Stop Hating Men, formed in February of last year, disbanded because it faced a wall of feminist-generated hostility and stood little chance of getting administrative approval.

On a more basic level, men need to stand up for themselves and women need to stand up for what is fair. Men's silence has been partly responsible for allowing the discussion of gender issues to become a one-way diatribe which has raged unchecked by opposing views or reality.

Part of the reason why men have not resisted is that many men genuinely want to help the women they've been told they oppress. Many others are simply chivalrous and, after thousands of years of being conditioned to protect women, have little desire to battle or even criticize them.

Still others have been shamed into silence. After all, any complaints a young man might have pale in comparison to the seething world of rape and battery which they've been told lies behind the walls of every college dormitory.

As a result, anti-male bigots have committed countless campus outrages—without resistance. In Catharine A. MacKinnon: The Rise of a Feminist Censor, 1983-1993, Christopher M. Final describes a scene which might properly be labeled modern collegiate America's darkest hour. According to Final, during MacKinnon's 1989 Yale commencement address she said:

"Some of the proud mothers in the audience [are] sitting next to men who [have] battered them. Some of the well-dressed fathers [have] sexually abused the women who [are] now graduating."

The men's reaction to this outrage should have been an immediate and unanimous walk out—and every decent woman should have been right behind them. Instead, as Final notes, "the unfairness of [MacKinnon's] generalization did not diminish the enthusiasm of her supporters. They led the audience in a standing ovation for their departing heroine."

And the men—most of whom had worked long hours for decades to support their families and allow their daughters to attend one of the world's most prestigious universities—did not resist, instead remaining mute, silenced and shamed.

There are signs that college men and women are weary of misandry and are finding common ground. College students are increasingly looking away from the political correctness on their anti-male campuses and towards alternative views, largely via the Internet. While anti-male feminists have largely succeeded in locking up the campus media (just as they have done with much of the mainstream media), they cannot do the same with the Internet.

Most importantly, more and more young men and women sense that misandry benefits neither men nor women. As one recent UCLA graduate school graduate noted:

"I've never understood how misinforming women helps women. The average woman is going to have a lot of important men in her life—her husband, her sons, her relatives, her coworkers. Do feminists really believe women want to see these men defamed and stigmatized? Who wins from this?"

This column first appeared in She Thinks (2/13/03) (www.shethinks.org).

Glenn Sacks writes about gender issues from the male perspective. He can be reached at Glenn@GlennSacks.com.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

men/women vs. male/female

Sun, 28 Dec 2003 00:53:35 GMT

I just wanted to take a moment to write a few words about these words.

Male and female can be used as either an adjective or a noun. In either case, they refer to the sex of a species, but can refer to any species. They don't refer specifically to humans.

On the flip side, men and women are nouns only, and are used only in reference to human males and human females. They aren't words for any other species.

Frequently, I'll see people writing "women and males" or "men and females" and this always strikes me as a kind of dehumanizing language. It's like saying that the "other" sex is inferior without actually saying it outright. It kind of surreptitiously labels one sex as human and the other as non-human. I'm always bothered by it when I see it, and it's become a kind of red flag for recognizing sexism.

I see this particularly frequently in the writings of feminists. They talk about "women and males" frequently, and somehow never refer to men as "men." Only rarely do they use the word "females" in their language.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 6 replies

Let's reconcile

Wed, 14 Jan 2004 07:14:03 GMT

Let's discuss the male/female split, then find the means to heal it.

First let's define male and female, if you think you're male, you are, if you think you're female, you are, if you think you're a mix of masculine and feminine characteristics, perhaps you'll join me for tea.

Okay, males line up here, females line up over here, those of you who are both and neither, head over to my place for tea.

Males! Females! I have no personal idea why we split up, but the alternative, living as an earthworm that can impregnate itself, doesn't appeal to me. It's not so much that I mind the masturbation of the whole thing but more because I don't want to get squished after a rain.

Nevertheless, this is the situation,you're split-up, from conception. Decisions have been made in your life where gender was the deciding factor. Your life would not be the same if you were born a different gender.

Or would it? I dunno, but here we stand knowing that some on that side have totally $%@$#'d up some on this side, and vice versa.

If you're really interested in just how much we're split and in how many ways, turn and ask your neighbor, he or she will tell you all about it. Discuss it amongst yourselves if you like, I'll go have tea with the neuters and consider myself in fine company.

--tea

If you'd like to heal your own personal psyche, mend your ego and join the masculine and feminine sides of yourself, do so now. Either encompass them all into human behavior, or dismiss them all as labels and get on with whatever it is that used to hurt but won't anymore because you're healed.

--

Now, well now we have to heal it, so the question is, what sort of healing would you like? Physical? Shall we devolve to earthworm status? I don't personally relish it. We can evolve, but there's only so much we can do to control our own physical evolution, and mammals are famously split male/female, primates moreso than many.

There's the sticky matter of time frame, we can discuss that, would you like to get this worked out within your lifetime? Or is a generational healing more to your liking? I encourage a faster pace seeing as the Sun will eventually expand and envelop the Earth.

Males are still over here, females are still over here, evolution taunts me, psychology baffles me, religion..don't get me started..the list is endless.

Ah okay, I got it. Let me stand back over here...okay what we're going to do is, we're all going to run straight into the center, okay? Think of it like the big bang only in reverse, forget all that stuff you just read about the universe expanding forever, that's tosh. We're going to mush ourselves together into one big androgynous mass, that sound good to everyone?

Okay...I'm hearing some objections, let's do this, those of you that don't want to squish together into one androgynous mass, stand over there, those of you that do want to squish into one androgynous mass stand over here...meanwhile I will take another tea as all my solutions seem to require us to get squished...how about a Hallmark card?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

When we clash in relationships

sobey — Sat, 22 Nov 2003 20:50:49 GMT

i mean not to separate out people who are not prone to male/female relationships so please put your own filter on to make this applicable if necesary. i am mainly trying to disseminate solutions to the conflicts that aris between male and female that arise in relationships that do seem to arise from gender. i won't be too specific because i am sure there are many examples.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 4 replies

Playing with Dolls

solstyce — Tue, 30 Dec 2003 02:02:14 GMT

The last guy I dated (this was maybe last week) commented that if he ever had a son, he'd never let him play with dolls. I attribute this to his fear of homosexuality on whatever level. It really kinda irked me. Anyway, what do you guys think on this?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 12 replies

An article on Gender Reconciliation by Dan Marshall

sobey — Wed, 26 Nov 2003 08:54:56 GMT

The local Seattle television talk show "Town Meeting" recently did a show with the rather provocative title, "Has Feminism Failed?" It featured national NOW president Patricia Ireland, and aired July 21. I was in the studio audience.

It is not the purpose of this article to answer the show’s question, although it is clear to me that feminism has some real public image problems. It also became clear to me from discussions during and after the show that there are some real problems that are beyond the ability of any single organization, or even a single gender, to handle on its own—problems that will require men and women to work together in a broad-based social movement.

Appearing on the panel with Ireland were local men’s rights activist Raj Singh and conservative author/motherhood advocate Charmaine Yoest. There appeared to be agreement among the panel and the mostly female audience on some basic points: the need for equality between men and women; the need to spend more time with and take better care of our children; and the need to rectify some of the past injustices women have faced. There was less agreement or even acknowledgment on the problems that men face.

One point that kept coming up was the idea that the economy was forcing more and more women into the workplace, leaving less and less time for children. It was considered a given that a family needs two incomes just to keep up, which is something that I would like to take issue with right now.

There have been many studies showing that incomes for most wage earners have stagnated or even decreased since the 1970s, and this is given as a cause of the perceived need for two incomes. While I have no doubt that this has happened, it is also true that corporate profits have skyrocketed in recent years. To distribute the fruits of growth more evenly would help families keep up, but would be a huge economic and political struggle requiring men and women to work together.

In the long run, income trends are more favorable. Real income has doubled in this country since World War II, meaning that the economy is twice as productive as it was 50 years ago. During those 50 years, choices could have been made to trade some of our increased affluence for more leisure time, and have either mothers, fathers or both work less. More time could then be devoted to the children.

Clearly, this has not happened. On average, people have chosen to live in bigger and fancier houses with more gadgets, eat out more often, take more vacations, pay higher taxes and own more cars.

Ireland spoke about the need to create more wealth before we can spend more time with our kids. There was also a lot of talk about choice. Well, the wealth has been created, but we choose to chase after more wealth rather than spend more time with our kids. It may indeed require two incomes (or one very large one) to live in a fancy new subdivision in Redmond, drive two or three new cars, own all the latest electronic equipment, eat out a lot and vacation in Maui—but that is a choice, not an obligation. There are many people who have chosen to downshift, simplify, not buy into the consumer mentality, and to make their kids (if they have chosen to have them) their top priority. A change in attitude is required, not more wealth.

Of course, there are increasing numbers of low-income families that do need two incomes just to survive—but they did not seem to be represented in the "Town Meeting" audience. Eliminating poverty and reversing some of the economic and consumerist trends I have talked about will be a huge battle, pitting citizens against entrenched corporate powers and personal attitudes.

Such a battle will require men and women to work together. When the men’s movement is ready to get truly political—beyond what I see as a rather narrow current focus on the rights of divorced fathers, for example—and is ready to work together with women’s groups, we should push for such things as a shorter work week, flex time, health-care reform, stronger labor unions, affordable housing—anything to fight the devastating effects of corporate power and consumerism on America’s families.

Sadly, the men’s movement and the women’s movement are nowhere near ready to work together; there is still far too much animosity between the two camps. Many men, and I include myself in this category, have been driven out of progressive politics by the large numbers of hostile, anti-male feminists who currently infect most progressive organizations. There is a lot of anger towards feminists that I and many other men need to work out before we will be able to work with them.

It is vital to work through that anger and hostility, which can only serve the status quo by keeping men and women at war with each other. Gender reconciliation is necessary before we can start to work together towards strengthening our families, communities, and environment. We have a lot of work to do as men before we can reach that stage, but this is the vision I have that fuels my own involvement in Men’s Work. I hope that others share that vision as well.

Dan Marshall is the co-host (with Chuck Davis) of the weekly public-access T.V. show, "Male Talk," which can be seen in King County on Thursdays at 4:30 p.m. on channel 29.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 3 replies

Equality

Fri, 07 Nov 2003 13:47:54 GMT

I think that the only path to reconciliation is the conciousness of equality. Equality, not meaning that we aren't different, we are. But that each sex has it's strenghts and should have equal rights, protection and respect.

There is an extreme feminist movement that views men as inferior. The real dangerous part is that they claim that women have been oppressed for the past 2000-3000 years and now it's their turn to oppress men for the next 2000-3000 years.

I can't begin to write about the absurdity, not to mention the precariousness, of this thought process.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 36 replies

Brain Differences

Mon, 10 Nov 2003 11:49:06 GMT

What do y'all think?

http://www.brainplace.com/bp/malefemaledif

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 22 replies

Men's Circle

Sun, 28 Dec 2003 01:12:06 GMT

I just started this thread because I think we need a men's circle here too. So this is a place for men to share their words about the male/female split, how it exists, how it is being healed, how it needs to be healed with any solution-based thoughts towards this.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 3 replies

men/women only spaces

Sun, 28 Dec 2003 01:15:44 GMT

What do people here think about places for men only or women only to gather?

Personally, I find the time I spend with men alone to be high quality time that gives me some important things that I just don't get when women are around. Men act very differently with each other when women are not there, and it's an opportunity for me to be very real with the men I hang out with. I belong to an organization that is for men only, and we meet once a week or more to do stuff together, talk about our lives, and get support and feedback about how to acheive our goals in life.

I think one of the great losses over the last 50 years has been men-only clubs and facilities, and to a lesser degree women-only clubs and facilities. I say "to a lesser degree" because there are still a great deal of women-only places, while men-only places are nearly extinct in today's environment.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

gender in the blender?

tysun_c — Fri, 17 Oct 2003 01:53:18 GMT

maybe we should talk about the gender binary and how that is what is really holding us back.

so many people that i know are trans.

this is not to say that there is not a lot of things that need to be changed in the way power politics play out over the "gender split"

i would offer that gender is a social construct.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 5 replies

visualization

rayann — Wed, 26 Nov 2003 23:22:36 GMT

if you draw a diagram of gender what would it look like? Would it be a spectrum, a triangle, etc. How would you represent it?

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

Womens Rectangle (Circle)

sobey — Thu, 16 Oct 2003 08:13:15 GMT

This is for women to share their words about the male/female split, how it exists, how it is being healed, how it needs to be healed with any solution-based thoughts towards this.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 5 replies

David Deida

sobey — Fri, 12 Dec 2003 16:21:43 GMT

http://www.deida.com/

Was made aware of his work at Burning Man this year and just reminded by a friend of mine to check out his website. Thought it may be of interest to you. If you are familiar with his work let people know what has inspired you or drawn your attention most.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 0 replies

All we have to do

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 14:49:53 GMT

For the two sexes to be at ease with each other we don't need any new laws or groups or institutions. All we need is to remember that we're survivors of sexist times and that some of chauvinistic (male or female) attitudes come from our parents. If we just keep in mind that there is no inferiority or superiority based on sex we should be OK.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 2 replies

Welcome

sobey — Fri, 07 Nov 2003 09:59:04 GMT

October 16, 2003 - 12:52 AM
Welcome
Greetings and welcome. Thank you for joining this phorum and feel free to invite people you feel would be into this discussion. As moderator i am intending to ensure that people are respectful with each other enough to hear each other and not encourage flaming which shuts down much needed discussion. This does not imply that all comments we see will reflect us all collectively, be agreed upon unannoumously or be my personally sanctioned messages. I do not wish to play jury in this way. I merely mean to keep things intentioned towards understanding, impersonal and not about us as people and the sum of who we are in one little box-but as free thought flowing over cyberspace.

This tribe exists in history for me as a continuation of the in person work i have shared with honored brothers and sisters over the past few years in the Vancouver region and most recently at Black Rock City in the middle of a desert. I stand alone in this practice and have yet to join with the much larger movement being conducted on much larger scale at the Shimano Institute in Boulder Colarado as well as at travelling locations around the world. i hope to have the resources to attend their training in this to me vital field of Cultural Healing. Until then, i welcome you to join me in discussion here and i hope blossom these converations into the world wherever you live.

posted in Gender Reconciliation - 1 reply

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